From Out of the Past Is the Future Born
by knicolette
Summary: AU. She ran away from the friends who cared for her, the man who loved her, the child she loved, and the only life she knew. She ran when the life she knew suddenly changed into something she didn't know. But now she's back. JL, SBOC, HG, RHr
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

_…A baby crying in the background, she saw Sirius looking over at her from across the kitchen table, a look of contempt in his dark brown eyes._

"_She's been crying ever since you left, Mae," he whispered._

"_But I left years ago, surely she hasn't been crying that long?" she asked, tears welling up in her own eyes._

"_She's been without her mother since she was three years old, why shouldn't she be crying?"_

_Mae stood up from the kitchen table and turned around to look for her baby. When she turned around, she was no longer in their little kitchen, but in the dungeons of Hogwarts. The baby's cries were echoing off the cold, stone walls. She walked over to the door, but it was locked. Turning back around to look at Sirius, she started crying. He wasn't there. Instead, she was looking at Severus. He was holding the crying baby – her baby._

"_Here, Sev, let me take her –" she began, reaching out to her child._

_But Severus continued to hold on to the child as he said, a smirk playing at his lips, "No. You gave her up."_

"_Please, Sev," she tried again, using her old childhood nickname for him, "let me take her. I want to hold her –" Mae began crying._

"_Mae."_

_Mae jumped as she turned around again, hearing James' voice. She was no longer standing in the dungeons of Hogwarts, but in James' and Lily's living room, the fireplace roaring with flames. _

_Dropping to her knees, Mae begged, "James, please, make Severus give me Gwen! I want to hold her!"_

"_No." James said firmly, as Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily holding little baby Harry suddenly appeared next to him. "You left us. You decided you didn't want us anymore."_

"_Mae," Sirius said angrily, "You don't deserve her."_

"_No!" Mae sobbed, crawling along the floor towards Sirius' feet. "No, please, I'm sorry! So sorry!"_

"Ms. McKay?"

_"Please, forgive me…"_

"Um, Ms. McKay?"

Jerking, Mae picked her head up from her desk and looked around. A short, plump young woman was standing nervously at the entrance to her cubicle, clutching a folded piece of parchment in her hands.

"Yes?" Mae asked, adjusting her glasses and pushing a strand of curly dark brown hair out of her eyes.

The woman stepped into the cubicle and held out the parchment. "You have a letter, ma'am."

"Oh," Mae said, taking the letter, "Thank you." The woman nodded then turned and quickly left.

Leaning back in her chair, Mae studied the handwriting on the front of the parchment. It looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place it. It was addressed to Ms. Mae McKay, British Embassy in Johannesburg.

Breaking the seal, Mae opened the letter and read.

_Dear Mae,_

_As it so happens, I am in the area and thought it would be enjoyable to have tea together. I have a proposition for you that you might very well wish to consider._

_If you could meet me at the Phoenix Inn and Pub at 7 o'clock this evening, I would be greatly thrilled to enjoy your company for the evening._

_I'll be waiting!_

_Yours truly,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Staring confusedly at the signature, Mae set the letter down on her desk. _Why on earth would Dumbledore want to talk to me? And out of nowhere! I haven't heard from him in years!_ Mae thought.

"Daydreaming again, Mae?"

Tearing her eyes away from the letter, Mae looked up and saw Drake Shockley, a friend and colleague, standing in the doorway to her cubicle.

She smiled and gestured at the letter, unsure of what to say.

He walked in and sat on the edge of her desk, looking at the letter.

"Albus Dumbledore, eh?" he asked, surprised. "So you have a hot date, tonight, huh?"

"Shut up," Mae muttered, shoving him off her desk. "It's really odd, I haven't heard from him in years."

"Why would he be contacting you?" Drake asked, rubbing his forehead.

Mae shrugged. "I'm wondering that myself." Just then, she noticed Drake seemed to be trying to hold back a laugh. "What?"

He shook his head quickly, still trying not to smile. She glared at him.

Not being able to hold it back any longer, Drake started laughing and pointing at her forehead.

Asking between laughs, he said, "You haven't been sleeping on your reports again, have you?"

Mae sighed and dug a tiny mirror out of the very back of her bottom desk drawer. Shaking her head lightly, she saw black ink smeared across her forehead.

"Lovely," she muttered. "No wonder that poor young woman that delivered the letter positively fled when she left."

"Here," Drake said gently, having stopped laughing, "allow me." He pulled a handkerchief out of his robe pocket and wiped her forehead gently, his face inches from hers.

As she realized the closeness of their proximity, she pushed back her chair and grabbed her wand off of her desk. "No sense in washing that off the hard way, Drake," she muttered as one twitch of her wand and the ink was gone from her forehead. Drake shifted uncomfortably as he stuffed his handkerchief back into his pocket.

"Well, I'm going to get back to work, Mae," he said distractedly.

"Oh," Mae said, glancing at the clock on her desk. It was 5 o'clock. "Are you working late tonight?"

"Yeah, I've got a report to finish up by tomorrow…"

"Well, I'm sorry," she said as she stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"As always," Drake replied, smiling. He gave a small wave and walked back down the aisle to his own little cubicle.

Mae shook her head as she put her papers in their prospective files, grabbed her letter from Dumbledore, and left her cubicle.

Drake Shockley was one of the few friends she had in South Africa. They met the first day Mae started work at the British Embassy, and he had shown her the ropes, introduced her to people, and shown her around town. After that, they spent time together during their lunch breaks and occasionally went out for dinner. They both shared a love of Quidditch and mystery novels, so they always had plenty to talk about.

But it wasn't until recently that Mae began to notice a change in Drake's behavior when he was around her. It had almost seemed like he was flirting with her, and it scared her. Not that Drake was a scary man or anything. He was kind, had an excellent sense of humor, and was quite good looking. He was a tall, lean, black man with long, dreaded hair and a scruffy goatee. In fact, Mae found him quite attractive. What made her afraid was that if the two of them were to become more than simply friends, and something went wrong, she might lose the only friend she had right then.

Plus, she would have to eventually go into more detail about her past than she wanted to. She would have to tell him so many things… she would probably scare him away… after all, it had happened before.

Stepping into the smoky, crowded pub, Mae glanced around for Dumbledore. Not seeing him right away, she walked over to the bartender and asked for him.

"Ah, right this way, Ms. McKay," the short, stout, bearded bartender replied, walking briskly down a hallway toward the suites.

After knocking on the door, Mae heard a deep voice from inside call, "Come in!"

"After you, Miss," the bartender said, opening the door for her.

Dumbledore was standing at the fireplace when Mae walked in, followed by the old bartender. Turning around as Mae entered the room, Dumbledore smiled and held his arms out in greeting.

"Mae! How wonderful you could join me this evening!" he said, crossing the room. Shaking hands, Dumbledore looked past Mae to the bartender and said, "That will be all, Henry, thank you."

As the bartender walked out and shut the door quietly behind him, Dumbledore gestured for Mae to take a seat.

"So, my dear, it has been a long time, hasn't it?" Dumbledore asked, watching as the teapot poured two cups of tea for its guests.

"Yes, it has," Mae replied. "Which is why I was so surprised to receive your invitation earlier. And at such short notice."

"Ah, yes, my apologies, Mae," Dumbledore said. "My trip here was actually quite last minute itself."

"What came up, if you don't mind me asking?" Mae asked, taking a sip of her tea.

Dumbledore smiled, his eyes twinkling. "Well, you will recall I mentioned a proposition?"

"Uh, yes," Mae replied, hesitantly.

"Well, it seems that I am once again short one staff member," Dumbledore began. "Professor Kirke has retired from his position as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor."

Mae set her teacup down gently on the table between them. Surprised, she asked, "Are you asking me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, not exactly. You see, I have another staff member who has requested to be switched from his original position to the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, which I have granted. So now I am in need of a Potions instructor – and as I recall, you greatly enjoyed Potions, am I correct?"

Mae sat stunned at the thought that Dumbledore had decided to ask _her_ to teach at Hogwarts. And Potions at that!

"Sir, I –" Mae stammered. "I – well, when do you need to know by?"

"Well, my dear, that's the thing," he replied, his eyes twinkling, "I need to know by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Mae repeated in shock. How could she make a choice that soon? It would require quitting her job at the Embassy – one she couldn't stand, that is – moving back to Britain – a move that would surely bring her to encounter old memories –

"Wait!" Mae muttered, a thought forming in her mind. "Who is teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts now?"

Dumbledore thought a moment before answering. Then, "Ah, yes, I was wondering if that might come up. You know him, of course. Your cousin Severus is teaching at Hogwarts. Did you not know that?"

Mae sighed. _No, I can't work there with him…_ Mae thought.

"But since we're on the subject, you might like to know that Remus Lupin is teaching Transfiguration, since poor Minerva McGonagall's murder…"

Mae looked up sharply. Dumbledore was watching her closely. _He knew he could corner me into this… he's tricked me…_

"What makes you think I would want this job, Albus?" Mae asked defiantly.

"Well, Mae, I wasn't entirely sure you _would_ want this job," Dumbledore began, his smiling fading a little. "You see, I need you at Hogwarts, Mae."

Surprised, Mae asked, "Why?"

Dumbledore sighed. "You will recall the Order of the Phoenix?"

Mae stared at Dumbledore a moment before the realization struck her. Shocked, she set her teacup down shakily.

"I have received information," Dumbledore began quietly, "that Voldemort may be coming out of hiding, for reasons nobody is quite sure of yet. I come to you with this offer, Mae, because you were in the Order. And, technically, you still are." He paused a moment, watching Mae stare at her hands folded in her lap. "One of the theories we have come up with as to why Voldemort may choose now to come out of hiding after eight years, is that Harry, along with your own Gwendolyn, are starting Hogwarts this year."

Even more shocked at the mention of her daughter, Mae looked up at Dumbledore. "How could you possibly expect me to teach when – when Gwen is – she's going to hate me…"

"Mae, I'll say this once again. I need you there. I need another member of the Order at Hogwarts, someone I can trust. Plus, I know it would make James, Lily, and Sirius more comfortable knowing you are there watching over Harry and Gwen –"

"How can that possibly make them feel better?" Mae muttered. "I abandoned them, how could they possibly trust me?"

Dumbledore smiled reassuringly. "You're Gwen's mother," he replied simply. "And Harry's godmother. And there is a bond between Mother and Daughter that very rarely fails." He paused. "You can do this Mae. I know you can."

Mae shook her head, clutching the sleeve of her robe.

"Do it for Gwen."

Mae looked up. Dumbledore was watching her with his twinkling eyes.

"Fine," she whispered. "I'll do it…"

Dumbledore nodded happily and poured more tea. "Good, good. I have a few papers for you to sign and then we will be all set." He pulled out his wand and gave a small wave, and all of a sudden there were a few pieces of parchment and a quill sitting on the table before her.

As Mae reached for the quill, Dumbledore grabbed her hand.

"It will be difficult at first, but everything will work out, Mae…"

"Dad?"

James Potter looked up from the _Daily Prophet_ to see his son staring into the fireplace, his Hogwarts letter lying on his lap.

"Yes, Harry?"

"What… er, what happened to Gwen's mum?" Looking away from the fire, Harry looked curiously at his father.

"Blimey, Harry," James sighed, folding up his paper. "You've managed to catch me off guard with that…" He pushed his glasses up his nose, and then folded his hands in his lap. "Why do you ask, son?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know…" He picked up his letter, folded it back up and stuck it back into its envelope.

"I guess I'm just asking because I've never really heard much about her… I know she was my godmother and that you all knew each other at Hogwarts, but… that's about it."

James sat in his chair listening to his son, not knowing what to say. He had known Mae since he was five. It still hurt to think about her after nearly eight years… he still couldn't believe she'd left…

James looked up to see Harry watching him expectantly. _I guess I can tell him some things,_ he thought grimly. _I don't think he'll understand, though…_

"It's – complicated, Harry…"

"Try me?"

James sighed again and ran his hand through his hair, an old habit that had driven his friends – _especially Mae_, he thought – insane at Hogwarts. He smiled grimly.

"I guess," he started, "Mae just couldn't handle the whole mother and wife thing… I mean – Mae and Sirius weren't married when Gwen was born… Engaged, but they never got around to getting married…" He looked up to see Harry's eyebrows go back down from where they had nearly vanished into his unruly black hair. "They had a wedding day set and everything, but Mae left a week before it…" He paused, not knowing whether he should go on or not. "Sirius and I had known Mae since we were five and Mae became one of our best friends. Of course, we went through phases where we didn't hang out as much because she was a girl, but that is how we met your mum… Then, the end of seventh year came along, and Mae and Sirius started dating… They broke up for a while after Hogwarts, but I'm not going to get into that right now – maybe when you're older – but they got back together, got engaged, Mae got pregnant, Gwen was born… She left three years later…" James took a deep breath, and then looked up to see Harry playing with the envelope. "I think I said too much, Harry –"

"Why?"

James blinked. "Why what –"

"Why did she leave?" Harry stared at his father, those green eyes boring into his own hazel ones.

James gave a slight shrug. "I don't honestly know, Harry…" _Okay, time to shut your mouth, Prongs._ "You know, Harry, I think I've gone and said too much. But before I go off to make sure your mum hasn't burnt down the kitchen, I _will_ tell you this." James leaned forward, looking at his son. "Mae loved Sirius and Gwen. I _know_ she did. And I think that might have something to do with why she left, which is something I doubt you'll understand until you're older." James stood up and dropped his paper onto the coffee table. "And one more thing. No matter what it may seem like, Harry, I don't hold any grudges against Mae, and neither does Sirius… What she did may not have been right, but she's still our friend."

With that said, James turned and headed down the hall towards the kitchen where Lily was making dinner.

James hadn't really thought about Mae in a while. Last he had known, she was somewhere in South Africa, working for the British Embassy. For a while, though, James had half expected to walk into work one day and see Mae signing up to finish Auror training. But he never saw her.

As he got closer to the kitchen doorway, the aroma of delicious roast pork filled his nostrils, pushing the thought of his old friend to the back of his mind. Lily was standing at the sink washing dishes, her long auburn hair pulled back neatly from her face. James sneaked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Hello, my lovely wife," he said. Putting his lips to her neck, he whispered, "You smell delicious…"

"It's your supper you smell, you dolt," Lily whispered back playfully. "I need to take a shower before everyone gets here." She picked her wand up off the counter and with a tiny flick all of the dishes and silverware flew into their respective places.

"Need any help?" he whispered. Turning around to face her husband, Lily put her hands on his shoulders and fixed her 'not now' look on him.

"Ah, you are _so_ sexy when you cook…" James leaned in to give her a kiss.

"Mmm, am I?" she muttered. "Suck-up."

Pulling away a moment later, Lily said, "It's five-thirty. They're supposed to be here at six. Dinner is at six-thirty. If they get here before I'm out of the shower –" Lily paused, rolled her eyes, then said, "What am I talking about? Just keep Sirius out of the food, you know the routine." As she started off towards the stairs, James lightly slapped her rear.

"I love you!" he called after her.

Lily grinned at him over her shoulder, then continued up the stairs.

Twenty minutes later, Lily came back downstairs, dressed in some jeans and a nice short-sleeved shirt. Her long auburn hair was loose around her shoulders. Lily had always preferred Muggle clothing to robes, and it had rubbed off on her husband and son. Even though robes were still often worn to work and school, spare time called for jeans and t-shirts.

A knock on the door had signaled the arrival of one of their guests.

"James, go let them in!" Lily called from the kitchen.

James headed towards the door, fixing his glasses as he went, but was beat to it by Harry. He jerked the door open and began to say, "You know you two don't have to knock, Sirius!"

"Well, I felt like being polite for some reason!" Sirius grinned at his godson, but was pushed aside by his daughter, Gwendolyn.

"Hi Harry!"

"Hey!" Harry grinned. "Did you bring your broom?"

Gwen held up her broom. "Of course I did!"

"Great! Come on!" And the two took off towards the back yard.

"Hey!" James called after them. "Dinner is at six-thirty, so don't get all dirty!"

"You're a poet, Prongs," Sirius teased, clasping James on the shoulder. Gesturing at the two eleven year olds now flying around on their brooms, he said, "Ah don't worry about it, James." Sirius closed the door behind him. "If they get too dirty they can eat out back – ow!"

Once again, the front door had opened, hitting Sirius in the shoulder.

"Hello – oh, sorry about that, Sirius." James and Sirius moved back away from the door to allow Remus to open the door further.

"Hey, Moony!" James said, shaking hands with him as a young woman with wavy blonde hair followed Remus in, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Placing his hand on the small of her back, Remus said, "James, Sirius, this is Natalie."

James stuck his hand out and introduced himself. Sirius took her hand, kissed it lightly, and said, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Natalie. Remus here has told us so much about you…"

She smiled, but raised an eyebrow delicately. "Oh, has he?"

Sirius gave a sheepish grin and said, "Well, honestly, no, but if he had been given the chance, I'm sure he would have!" Natalie gave a small laugh.

Remus cleared his throat and smiled. "Okay, thank you, Sirius!"

"Shall we head to the living room for a bit?" James asked, gesturing down the hall. "Lily will have dinner ready in a few minutes…"

"Lily will have dinner ready now," Lily said teasingly as she entered the living room. "Is Peter coming?"

"Oh," Sirius replied, "No, he can't make it tonight… something about fudge… or Fudge's report… I can't remember."

Lily frowned. "Oh, well that's too bad."

After dinner, the adults sat around the table as the conversation continued.

"So, what is it you do, Natalie?" Lily asked politely, taking a sip of her wine.

"I am an interpreter for the Ministry," Natalie replied.

"So what languages do you speak?" Sirius asked.

"French, Swahili, Greek, German, and a little Chinese – I'm still learning."

James laughed. "That's more than the rest of us know put together!"

"No kidding," Sirius added, smiling. "So, what's your last name, again, Natalie?"

Remus, who had been taking a sip of his wine, suddenly choked into his glass.

"You okay, there, mate?" Sirius asked, as everyone looked at him. Natalie had put her hand on Remus' and he squeezed it gently.

"Fine, yep…" Remus replied, eyes watering.

"Uh," Natalie began, glancing at Remus to be sure he was okay, "my last name is Malfoy."

Sirius suddenly stopped running his finger along the edge of his wine glass, Lily's eyes widened slightly, and James just stared.

Lily cleared her throat and said, "Oh, so you're related to Lucius?"

"He's my elder brother," Natalie replied. "Do you know him?"

"Well, sort of. Our paths have crossed." Lily smiled and took another sip of her wine.

"Well, dinner was delicious, Lily," Remus said folding his napkin. Natalie nodded in agreement.

"Thank you," Lily replied, pushing her chair back to stand up. "I suppose we could head out to the back patio, then."

The others stood up as well and they all went out and sat on the patio, watching Harry and Gwen flying around on their broomsticks, throwing a ball back and forth.

"Would you like anything else to drink, Natalie?" Lily asked.

"No, I'm fine, thank you…"

"Are you sure, Natalie?" Remus asked her quietly.

"I'm fine," she reassured him.

"I'll take a couple of Butterbeers, Lil," Sirius hollered from his lounge chair.

"Same here, hon." James and Sirius looked up at Lily from their chairs.

"You two can get your own," she said lightly, turning around to head to the kitchen for a drink for herself.

"Ah, it was worth a shot…" James got up and followed her.

An hour later, Remus and Natalie left.

"See you, mate," James said as Sirius waved to them. "Natalie…"

Remus waved, then turned towards the door, reaching out for Natalie's hand as they walked out.

Shutting the door behind them, Sirius said dryly, "Well, that went well…"

"No thanks to you two!" Lily snapped.

"What are you talking about –"

"Don't _even_, James Potter!" She picked up her glass. "You two know what I'm talking about." Her voice softened. "So _what_ if she's a Malfoy. You two should be happy for Remus…" She turned and headed back towards the kitchen. "I'm going to clean up the dishes then head to bed…"

"I _am_ happy for him," Sirius muttered. "She just _had_ to be a Malfoy, though…"

"Hey, mate," James said as they sat back down in their lounge chairs on the back patio, "_You're_ a _Black_."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, don't remind me." He drained the last of his Butterbeer.

Suddenly, a thought crept into James' head. Should he bring it up? They hadn't talked about Mae in quite a while… He didn't know if it would upset Sirius or not…

"Mae didn't care," he said quietly, before finishing off his own bottle, then setting it down lightly between them.

"Where did _that_ come from, Prongs?" Sirius said lightly, after a minute. James shrugged. The two sat in silence for a minute longer.

"Yeah, well," Sirius began as he set his empty bottle onto the table with a _clink_! "Look what happened to _that_! She left me, didn't she?"

Standing up abruptly, Sirius said, "I think it's time to break out something a little stronger than the old Butterbeer…" And he headed into the kitchen, leaving James sitting there watching Harry and Gwen flying around, tossing the ball back and forth.

A few minutes later, Sirius was back with two shot glasses and a bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey. He sat down, poured both of them a shot, set the bottle down, then downed his whiskey at once. They sat in silence for a few minutes longer, watching the kids flying around together.

James broke the silence.

"Merlin, she looks like Mae…" he said quietly.

Sirius nodded slowly. "She sure does…"

Carefully, James tried again. "So, have you heard from her lately?"

Sirius sighed, pouring himself another shot.

"Not in the last three – four years…"

James nodded thoughtfully. "Gwen knows about her, right?"

Sirius poured himself another shot, and then downed that one too.

"She's asked about her, I've told her what I could…"

"Now, Sirius, mate," James began carefully, "You do know that Dumbledore is going to try to get Mae to teach at Hogwarts now that Kirke is gone and there's the whole – er – Voldemort thing, right?"

Sirius just stared down at the pond. James, knowing Sirius well enough, took his friend's silence as a 'yes'.

"Have you told Gwen, yet?" James asked, pouring another shot for each of them.

"I…" Sirius started quietly. "I was going to wait until we knew for sure…"

James didn't say anything. He knew how much it hurt Sirius to talk about Mae – or even think about her. And he thought about her a lot.

Another half an hour passed and the bottle of Firewhiskey was empty.

Suddenly, Sirius asked, "Do you mind if Gwen stays here for the night? I…" he trailed off, then whispered, "I don't know…"

"Sure, that's fine, Padfoot," James said gently. "Are you leaving then?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, standing up. "I'll go say goodnight to Gwen…"

James watched his friend carefully walk down the hill and call the kids down to him. They gave him a hug, then shot back up into the air as Sirius came back up to the patio.

"See you tomorrow, mate," he said to James, who nodded in return.

"See you…"

At the back door, though, Sirius paused, then turned around.

"I loved her, you know… I still do…"

James heard a slight sob in his best friend's voice, so he didn't turn around. He just said, "I know, Padfoot… I know…"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

As Mae walked down the hallway towards Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts, she tried her best to block out all of the memories that came flooding into her mind. Memories of making friendships, breaking friendships, finding love, and losing love… Plus, of course all of the memories in between; those of lessons, professors, spells gone wrong, and all of the mischief that comes with being a teenager…

Mae stopped before the stone gargoyle, behind which she knew to be the staircase leading to Dumbledore's office. She had been there a few times. Once when Severus' father died during their first year, once when her own father died during their fourth year, and again when her mother died during her sixth year. Then she had been summoned just before the end of her seventh year, along with James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. That was when Dumbledore introduced the Order of the Phoenix to them, and that was when they joined.

_And now, here I am, once again_, Mae thought, staring at the gargoyle.

Sighing, Mae gave the password and stepped onto the spiraling staircase. At the door of Dumbledore's office, Mae raised her hand to knock, but stopped as the door opened. She stood in her place, shocked at seeing the man standing before her. He was tall and lean, with shaggy brown hair with a few traces of gray streaked throughout it. Staring into his own equally surprised blue eyes, Mae gasped as Remus Lupin grinned broadly and threw his arms around her in a tight hug.

"Oh, Merlin!" Remus gasped, still holding Mae tightly. "Dumbledore just told me you'd agreed to come, but I certainly didn't expect to see you standing on the other side of the bloody door!"

Mae, not sure whether she was more shocked at simply seeing Remus or the fact that he didn't hex her on site, closed her eyes tightly and gripped the back of him robe as tears welled up in her eyes.

Remus pulled away, still grinning, and put his hands on her shoulders to look at her. Looking down at her feet, she sobbed. Remus' smile began to fade as he watched her.

"Mae…" he began quietly. "What, did you think I've hated you all these long years?"

Gently, he lifted her chin to look her in the eyes. "I've missed you so much!" he whispered. "We all have."

Mae scoffed between sobs, tears streaming down her face. Remus smiled and pulled her close to him once again, holding her until she stopped crying.

A few hours later, Mae and Remus were walking around the grounds having gotten Mae settled into her rooms.

"What is new with you, Remus?" Mae asked, staring across the lake. "The last time I heard from you, you had just started teaching here."

Remus shrugged. "More like, the last time _I _heard from _you_…"

Mae sighed. "I'm sorry, Remus –"

"Don't," Remus interrupted softly. "Don't worry about it… you're back, that's all that matters right now." Mae shrugged and smiled. Remus stuck his hands in his pockets and continued. "Well, I'm seeing someone…"

Mae looked up at him, grinning. "Really? Tell me…"

Remus laughed and turned a little red. "Well, her name is Natalie – Natalie Malfoy." When Mae looked at him curiously, raising an eyebrow, he said quickly, "But don't think anything of the last name! Yes, she's Lucius' younger sister, but she doesn't want anything to do with him and the rest of the family."

"Hmm…" Mae replied thoughtfully. "Does she know about your lycanthropy?"

Remus nodded. "We've been seeing each other for a few months now, and I told her just before the last full moon." He laughed nervously. "I _had_ to tell her, because she wanted to go out to her cabin and have 'supper under the full moon', her exact words."

Mae smiled. "Good thing you told her, then?"

"Yes, I think so…" Remus smiled.

Mae took a deep breath, her thoughts turning to her own problems.

"So," Mae began quietly, "Does – do the others know I'm teaching this year?"

"Others?" Remus asked, confused. "Oh, you mean Sirius, James, Lily…"

Mae nodded.

Remus nodded his head slowly. "Yes, they know that Dumbledore has asked you to teach, and Dumbledore was just finishing up letters to them when you got here… I would assume they know by now."

Mae stopped at the edge of the lake and sat down under a tree. "Has Sirius told Gwen?"

Remus sat beside her and replied softly, "I'm not sure… He was probably wanting to wait until he knew for sure whether you'd be here or not."

Mae sighed and brushed her hair out of her face.

Remus looked at her and smiled. "You know, I don't remember you having your hair this short since our first year."

Mae laughed. "It's not _that_ short." She fingered the ends of her curly hair, which sat just above her shoulders.

"Sirius is going to go mad when he sees –"

Mae looked up at Remus sharply. "_When_ is he going to see me?"

Remus stared, looking perplexed. "Uh, well… at the Order meeting, of course," he replied cautiously. "Didn't Dumbledore tell you about it?"

"Damnit," Mae muttered. She sighed and said, "I forgot… I don't know…"

Remus put his hand on her knee and squeezed it gently.

Sirius sat in the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, staring at a letter from Dumbledore.

Sirius sighed. _So Mae agreed? _he thought grimly. _Now I have to figure out a way to tell Gwen… how is she going to take it?_

Just then, Gwen came racing through the kitchen doors. A little on the shorter side, Gwen had long curly black hair and dark brown eyes. During the summer, she had freckles she had inherited from her mother, along with the curly hair.

Sirius smiled at his daughter, who ran over to him and hopped onto his lap.

"Hi Dad!" she said happily, hugging him around the neck. Holding her tightly, Sirius grinned.

"Hey, Daughter… what do you want?" he teased.

"Nothing!" she smiled at him, and then looked at the letter on the table. "What's that –"

Sirius grabbed it quickly and folded it up. "Uh, nothing, hon –"

Sirius was interrupted by the look his daughter gave him, for she was suddenly her mother, sitting upon his lap, seeing right through his cover.

"Yeah, right, Dad –" Gwen began, stopping as she noticed a look of sadness in her father's eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked quietly.

"Oh, uh, you know what? Gwen-bug, nothings wrong, I think…" Sirius replied quietly. He shifted his daughter to a more comfortable spot on his lap. "There's something I need to talk to you about…"

"Okay," Gwen replied slowly.

Sirius sighed and looked at his daughter. Tossing the letter back onto the table, Sirius began.

"Gwen, going to Hogwarts is going to be a big change in your life," he hesitated, unsure of what to say. "Up until now, you've had a pretty constant life. You get up in the morning, you go to Aunt Lily's and she teaches you and Harry your reading, writing, math, history, and stuff, right?" Gwen nodded. "Then, you and Harry mess around, you come home or we eat dinner there, then you go to sleep and you do the same thing the next day, right?" Once again, Gwen nodded, looking confused. "And every day, I've been there to wake you up and put you to bed, or Aunt Lily and Uncle James –"

" – or Uncle Remus or Uncle Peter –"

Sirius smiled. "Yeah… but now that you're going away, none of us are going to be there to do that anymore." Gwen nodded. "Right, uh, damnit – crap – ah bugger… sorry, sweetie…"

Gwen shrugged. "It's okay."

Sirius gave a short laugh. "Gwen, there is something really important I need to tell you, but I'm not sure how…"

"Just say it, Dad…"

Sirius shook his head and stared past Gwen, trying to find the right words.

Finally, he looked back at Gwen, who was watching him closely. "Gwen, your – er – mother is going to be teaching you at Hogwarts…" he said quietly, watching her just as closely as she had been watching him a moment ago. She looked confused, her eyebrows narrowing. "Okay," he continued. "That's what this letter is about…" He watched her carefully as she looked away from him, staring at her toes. "Do you have any questions for me, Gwen?"

She continued to study her toes.

Trying to see her face to determine whether she was crying behind her curly locks, he tried again. "I know I probably should have given you the opportunity to ask questions a long time ago, but I was afraid… does that make sense? Probably not," he added quietly.

Gwen studied her toes a minute longer, then asked quietly, "What subject will she be teaching?"

"Potions."

"Oh," Gwen replied. "Am – am I going to see her before school starts?"

Sirius sighed. "I really don't know, Gwen… you see, I'm not going to push her. If she contacts us and wants to see you again before school, then we'll arrange it… I don't know what to do, sweetie, I'm sorry…"

Gwen went back to studying her toes. Sirius pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

"She does love you, you know," he said quietly.

Gwen shrugged away from her father's embrace and stood up. "Sure," she said as she turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Mae was just pulling her black robe over her Muggle shirt and jeans when a knock came at the door to her room.

"Come on in!" she hollered.

Remus stuck his head in the doorway and asked, "Are you ready to go?"

Grabbing her wand and sticking it in her cloak pocket, she, replied, "As ready as I'm going to be."

Remus had come up with the idea. He and Mae had been eating supper in her rooms the night before when he brought it up. He mentioned how he was meeting with James, Lily, Sirius, and Peter at Grimmauld Place for supper the following day. After much debating and many shots of Firewhiskey, Remus had finally persuaded Mae to join him – and they weren't going to tell the others.

Remus smiled, putting his arm around Mae's shoulder's as the two walked down the hall. "You're going to be just fine, Mae."

She sighed. "I hope you're right… what if he – Sirius – doesn't recognize me?" she suddenly whispered, terrified of the thought.

Remus laughed. "How could he _not_ recognize you? If anything, he'll recognize you by your hair, first…"

Mae laughed nervously. _He loved my curly hair_, Mae thought. _I loved it when he ran his hands through it_ –

Shaking her head to rid herself of those thoughts, she sighed. Remus gave her a funny look.

"What if – what if she hates me?" Mae asked, nearly stopping in her tracks. "Gwen – what if she doesn't want to have anything to do with me?"

Remus chuckled and shook his head, pushing her along out of the Great Hall. "Mae, stop worrying about it. Everything will be fine."

Mae scoffed. "Easy for you to say," she muttered.

They continued in silence until they reached the gates, where they stopped. Mae turned to look helplessly at Remus, who waited patiently.

After a few minutes of silence, Mae finally said, "Okay, lets go now, before I back out."

"Again?" Remus teased. Mae had already 'backed out' three times since that morning.

Mae rolled her eyes, grabbed Remus' hand, and with a 'pop!' they were gone.

A split second later, they were standing on the sidewalk in front of Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

Mae remembered the letter she had received from Sirius about five years before, in which he had mentioned his mother had died and therefore Number 12 Grimmauld Place was left in his possession. He said they were going to move in and clean the place up – or 'make it suitable for human occupancy', as he had put it.

Mae had been to Number 12 Grimmauld Place only once before, in which she and James had accompanied Sirius to retrieve some of his possessions the summer he had run away. She was shocked at the transformation the Black family house had undergone since then. The house didn't look as 'scary' as it had before. The pathway leading up to the front door was no longer lined with vicious magical plants attempting to claw at passersby. The front of the house had been repaired – shutters were no longer falling off, and the vines crawling up the brick front of the house had been trimmed.

_It's actually quite lovely,_ she thought.

As they opened the gate and walked up to the door, Mae continued to clasp Remus' hand as tightly as she could. Remus winced slightly when they reached the door and, before knocking, he loosened Mae's grip on his hand.

"Sorry," Mae murmured, smiling weakly. Remus just smiled back at her.

Lifting up his wand, Remus tapped the door and muttered a short incantation. Mae noticed the door still had the same snake design, which came alive as she heard the door unlock.

Remus glanced at her and asked, "Are you ready?"

Mae laughed nervously and squeezed his hand in affirmation. Remus nodded and pushed the door open.

The foyer was no longer dark and dank. It was brightly lit by the same great serpent designed chandelier, but it seemed to put out twice the light as it should. But it also seemed quite empty. There were no pictures on the walls, and the only piece of furniture in there was a tall coat tree with as many limbs as an oak.

They were greeted at the door by a little house elf who introduced herself as Kit and took their cloaks.

"The master and his guests are down in the parlor, Mr. Remus and his guest," Kit said in a soft, squeaky voice, gesturing down the hall.

"Thank you, Kit," Remus said, leading Mae down the hall.

As they got closer to the parlor, Mae felt a warmth spread through her as she heard familiar voices and familiar laughs wafting down the hall. But just as suddenly as the warmth had come, an icy chill shot through her as she realized they had reached the parlor, and all too soon in her opinion.

Standing in the doorway, still clutching Remus' hand, Mae stared into the parlor. There they were, James, Lily, Sirius, and Peter, standing by the fireplace talking merrily. Unfreezing herself from where she stood, she bolted back behind the edge of the doorway, dragging Remus along with her.

"Did they see us?" she whispered.

Remus chuckled. "No –"

"Shh!" Mae hushed him.

"But, Mae –"

"Just give me a minute!" she snapped quietly. Remus smiled and nodded.

Poking her head around the doorway slowly, she studied her old friends. Lily looked exactly as she had when she was seventeen – small and petite, and not strand of gray hair. James also looked exactly as he had when they left Hogwarts. Peter was showing signs of age, though, just like Remus. Though were Remus was tall and lean, Peter was still just barely taller than Mae and he had put on weight. His hair was thinning, and he was wearing glasses now.

Turning her attention to Sirius, Mae was surprised to see he looked nearly the same as he had the morning she left – only it seemed as though something were missing… she couldn't place it. His hair was longish, like he always used to wear it, and he still looked fit. A few inches taller than Mae, Sirius had a strong, stocky build. The only thing new was he looked like he hadn't shaved that morning, whereas he always used to make sure he was clean-shaven.

Mae jumped as Remus placed his hand under her arm, interrupting her surveying. "Are you ready, Mae?" he whispered gently.

Taking a deep breath, Mae nodded. Remus squeezed her arm reassuringly and led her into the parlor.

Lily was the first to notice her. Nearly dropping her wineglass, she set it down gently on the mantle, watching Mae. Seeing the surprised look on Lily's face, James, Sirius, and Peter turned around. The three of them stared at her, shocked at seeing her so soon and unexpected. Mae stared at the rug on the floor, studying its intricate details, waiting for someone to say something, whether it be curse, hex, or greeting.

Breaking the awkwardness, Lily stepped around her husband and walked across the room towards Mae and Remus. Mae looked up as she heard the light footsteps, looking curiously at Lily's smiling face. Not knowing what to do or say, Mae stood there and watched her, until Lily wrapped her arms around Mae in a hug.

"Welcome home," Lily whispered in Mae's ear. Hearing those words, Mae sighed in relief.

Pulling away, Mae watched as James and Peter walked up to her as well, both with smiles on their faces.

There she was, standing in the doorway of his parlor, looking more scared than Sirius had ever seen her before. He watched as Lily moved beside him and crossed the floor and gave Mae a hug. Then he felt James and Peter following suite, and going to greet her as well. Sirius set his wineglass down on the mantle as he saw relief spread across Mae's beautiful face.

He watched as James kissed Mae on the cheek, hugged her tightly, picked her up, and Lily scolded him in fear of waking up his back problem. Peter politely hugged her as well. Once the greeting was done and Mae looked beyond the others to where Sirius was standing, their eyes locked.

Sirius stared into her dark brown eyes. _So beautiful… those eyes…_ He was lost in her gaze. He barely sensed that the others had left the room, closing the door behind them. What was he going to say? What was he _supposed_ to say? He hadn't talked to her in four years… What do you say to the woman you love – the mother or your child – who _left_? Just took off with what seemed like now warning at all! Though, looking back, Sirius could see plenty of warning signs… she had seemed so depressed…

_My love wasn't enough to help her…_

Tearing his gaze away from her, he turned his back to her and stared into the fireplace. A moment later, he heard soft, hesitant footsteps coming up behind him. She stopped a few paces behind him, but he could feel her presence.

"Hello, Sirius…" she whispered, choking back a sob.

Staring into the fire a moment longer, he turned around to face her, but refused to look her in the eyes.

"Hello…"

Mae looked around the room, searching about for words to say.

But Sirius broke the silence.

"Long time, no see, eh?" he whispered lightly, giving a small smile.

Surprised at first at his attempt to lighten the situation, Mae smiled. "Yes…"

Finally looking her in the eyes, Sirius said, "It's good to see you again, Mae."

Relief running through her once again, Mae replied, "It's good to see you, too, Sirius…"

Sirius nodded and looked away suddenly, not wanting to get lost in her eyes again. "Remus didn't mention you were coming…"

Mae smiled sheepishly. "Remus took advantage of my – er – slightly intoxicated state last night and convinced me to accompany him. He wouldn't let me back out, either."

"Did you want to come tonight?"

Mae hesitated. "I've been wanting to come back every minute since I left, Sirius," she replied quietly.

"You would have been welcome." Sirius looked her in the eyes.

His gaze brought a blush to her cheeks. She didn't know what to say. She knew 'I'm sorry' wasn't going to be enough.

Sirius sighed and looked away. "Why did it take an offer from Dumbledore for you to come back, when I had asked you to come home thousands of times?"

"I – it wasn't that simple, Sirius," Mae whispered. "Dumbledore gave me an excuse to come back –"

"And you're daughter wasn't a good enough excuse, Mae?" Sirius interrupted bitterly, glaring at the carpet.

Mae felt tears welling up in her eyes. "And you've been wondering _why_ I haven't come back before now?"

"Yes, damnit!" Sirius yelled.

Mae closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She folded her arms across her chest to hide her shaking hands as she opened her eyes and looked directly at Sirius.

"I'm guilty," she said, her voice shaky. "I know that. I know what I did was wrong, I know I'm guilty of being a terrible mother, I know – "

"You – "

"Let me finish, damnit!" Mae yelled over Sirius. They stared at each other, tears finally falling down Mae's face. "I couldn't face her – or you. Or any of you, for that matter." She paused to wipe the tears from her face forcefully. "I wasn't ready to come back then. I wasn't ready to randomly show up on your bloody doorstep without a good explanation prepared to back me up. But Dumbledore gave me the push I needed. And I'm ready now. I'm ready to face you. I'm ready to explain to Gwen what happened. I – I'm ready, Sirius…"

Sirius watched as the tears continued to stream down Mae's face. She sat carefully in a chair and cradled her head in her hands, weeping.

Sirius suddenly felt different at the sight of Mae's breakdown. He felt the anger that had been building up over the long years melting away as a warm feeling of love replaced it. She truly meant it.

Sirius walked over to where Mae sat. Kneeling down in front of her, he pulled her hands gently away from her tear – stained face. She looked up at him hesitantly, and was shocked to see tears forming in his eyes, and a gentle smile on his face.

"Mae," he whispered. "I'm glad you're back. And – " he choked back a sob before continuing, "I forgive you."

Mae scoffed through her tears and said, "You shouldn't."

"Yes," he replied surely, "yes, I should." He paused as she watched him carefully. "You were the love of my life, Mae. I owe you that much."

Mae leaned forward into Sirius' embrace and whispered, "Thank you…"

Sirius sighed as a single tear slid down his rough cheek and he wrapped his arms around Mae's trembling shoulders.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"_Mae! You have a letter!" Grace McPhay called out the back screen door._

"_Oh!" Mae jumped up from her spot next to Severus. "I wonder if it's from James!"_

_Severus looked up at her as she brushed grass off her backside. "Who?"_

"_I'll be right back!" She took off running. Severus sat where he was and pulled up a bit of grass. The two cousins had just gotten done flying around on the brooms Mae's parents had gotten them for Christmas last year. They had decided to take a break from flying around and sit with their feet dangling in the pond in the backyard. 'Oh.' He thought. 'James _Potter_…'_

_Mae plopped down beside him suddenly, a letter in her hand. He watched her for a minute, and then asked, "Who's it from?"_

"_James."_

"_Oh." He looked across the pond. "You know, I still haven't met him yet."_

"_Yeah. He's starting Hogwarts this year too. He wants to meet up in Diagon Alley Thursday." She looked up at him. "I forgot that you've never met him. Well, you can meet him Thursday!"_

_Severus nodded. 'I have heard a lot about him, though.' He'd heard good things about him from Mae and her parents, but the things he's heard from his father weren't the nicest. Theodore Snape hated the Potters – for some reason._

_Apparently, he had made a face, for Mae began to stare at him._

"_What's wrong?" Mae asked. "You look funny."_

_Severus snorted. "I'm sorry."_

_Mae laughed and pushed him on the shoulder. "You know what I meant-"_

"_Ow!" Severus grabbed his shoulder. _

"_Oh come on, you big baby! I didn't push you that hard!" Mae teased._

"_No, I've just got a bruise," Severus replied quickly._

"_Oh," Mae said. She paused. Then said, "Let me see!" She reached out to push up the sleeve of his T-shirt._

"_No!" Severus said quickly. Mae stopped and gave him a quizzical look. "I mean, it's nothing-"_

"_Come on-" Mae said as she tackled him._

"_Mae!"_

"_Severus!" she chirped back as she started tickling him._

_He laughed. "Mae! Stop- you're-" He tried to roll over to get away from her, but she grabbed the back of his shirt. Mae lost her balance on her knees and fell backwards, T-shirt still in hand. As she hit the ground, the two heard a rip. Both stopped laughing. _

"_Oops," Mae grunted as she sat up. Severus sat up as well, his back to her. His shirt was ripped from about his shoulder blades to the bottom of the shirt. He started to turn around but Mae stopped him as something caught her eye. Mae's smile left her face._

"_Good Merlin-"_

"_What, Mae-"_

"_Sev- what happened?" She reached out to touch his side. Visible through the rip in his shirt was a huge bluish-green bruise. Severus looked away sharply._

"_I-I-" he glanced around. "I fell."_

_Mae narrowed her eyes at him. "You fell-" she said simply._

"_I fell." He nodded. "On the stairs at home."_

_The two had a staring contest for a few seconds until they heard Ajax calling to them from the back porch._

"_Well," Severus began, breaking the silence. "You're dad is calling."_

_Mae nodded. The two headed up to the house for supper…_

"So, your mum is going to be one of our professors?"

Gwen nodded, flipping through her Transfiguration book. Harry whistled.

They were sitting upstairs in Gwen's bedroom, waiting to be called down to dinner. They had just gotten their school supplies earlier that day, which were now strewn all across Gwen's queen four-poster bed. Harry was studying a page in his Potions book, which described a potion for making body limbs longer.

"Hey, I hope we learn _this_ potion this year!" Harry exclaimed. "That would be perfect for playing Seeker on the Quidditch team…"

Gwen rolled her eyes. "That's in the advanced section, you dolt. There's no way that we'll be learning that this year…" Closing her book, she tossed it onto the bed. Lying down so that her head was next to Harry's, Gwen sighed.

"Harry?"

"Hm?"

"What do you think my mum's like?"

Harry stopped reading and laid his book down on his chest. "Well…" he thought. "She can't be _that_ bad, you know… I mean, she was my parents' and your dad's best friend at Hogwarts…" Gwen made a face. "My dad said he and your dad have known her since they were _five_."

Gwen sighed. "So? That doesn't mean anything… what do you think she's like _now_? And – and why doesn't she want anything to do with me?"

"Who told you she didn't want anything to do with you?" Harry asked, perplexed.

"Well," Gwen began, "it's obvious, isn't it? My dad said that she knows I'm starting Hogwarts this year, and she's starting to teach there, so why hasn't she come to see me yet?"

Harry frowned. "I dunno, Gwen…" They lay on the bed, thinking. "Maybe –"

_Knock, knock, knock!_

They both sat up and sighed.

They rushed around the room taking care of their school supplies as the door opened.

Sirius and Mae watched as Harry and Gwen, both wearing their school robes, ran around the room throwing books into trunks.

Suddenly, Gwen stopped and stared as she realized that there was a strangely familiar looking woman standing next to her father. The woman was only a few inches shorter than her father – who happened to be shorter than both James and Remus – with shoulder length, curly brown hair, and small, thin-rimmed glasses set back on the top of her head. Suddenly, her stomach was full of butterflies.

Harry stopped as he saw the woman, too. Glancing at Gwen, he said, "Hello…"

Sirius cleared his throat and stepped into the bedroom. "Er, Harry, why don't you take your school robe off and go downstairs for a bit. Dinner is almost ready."

Harry nodded.

After Harry left, Mae shut the door behind him, and leaned back against it, taking a deep breath. _She is so beautiful_, she thought, watching her daughter.

"Have a seat, Gwen," Sirius said, sitting down on the bed with her. He glanced at Mae standing in the shadows by the door. Waving her over toward the bed also, Sirius turned back to Gwen.

"Gwen-bug, you probably don't remember her…" Sirius began, and then hesitated. Gwen glanced between Mae and her father nervously, and suddenly felt quite overwhelmed.

Mae dragged a chair out of the corner of the room and set it beside the bed where she could see Gwen clearly.

"Gwen," Sirius tried again, hesitating. He closed his eyes and sighed. Suddenly he felt a warm hand over his own. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see Mae's hand on his. She smiled at him reassuringly.

As Gwen saw the woman's hand on her father's and the smile they exchanged, she felt her face flush as anger set in from nowhere.

Before Sirius could continue, Gwen said stiffly, "You're my mother. Mae McPhay."

Gwen watched as Mae smiled, with a glance at Sirius, and nodded. Her smile angered Gwen even more. _How can she be smiling? What makes them think they can just bombard me with this out of nowhere and think it's all right?!_

Sirius, sensing something was amiss from the look on his daughter's face, broke the silence. "Gwen-bug, your mum couldn't wait to see you again…"

Gwen just stared at her mother. She could hardly believe Mae 'couldn't wait' to see her.

Mae was watching her carefully, and suddenly Gwen noticed her mother seemed scared. She saw this woman had eyes just like her own. Gwen had a feeling she never would have imagined she'd have for the woman who gave birth to her; she felt _pity_. Watching that woman glancing around nervously, trying to smile and hide back tears, Gwen felt sorry for her. She didn't understand why, though… _I would have thought I'd hate her…_

Giving Sirius' hand one last squeeze, Mae sat up and wiped the last of the tears out of her eyes.

"Gwen, dear," she said quietly. "I – I guess I owe you an explanation, don't I?"

Gwen stared at Mae in disbelief. "No, you don't." Surprised, Mae glanced at Sirius.

"I don't –" she began.

"No," Gwen said simply. "It's quite obvious why you left. You didn't want a baby. So you left." She paused, and then added carelessly, "Whatever."

Mae blinked, staring at Gwen in shock, as Sirius stared, perplexed at his daughter.

Suddenly, Mae turned to Sirius and demanded, "What did you tell her about me?"

Sirius, shocked, replied, "Not that!" Turning to Gwen, he asked, "Gwen, of _course_ that's not the reason she left –"

Mae cut in, saying to Gwen, trembling, "Gwen, dear, it's not that I didn't want you, because I did! I loved you so much – I _still_ love you, of course… I just – when I left, I planned on coming back after a few weeks or so. But the longer I was gone, the harder it became for me to come back." She paused. "I didn't leave because of you. I left because of me… I made a mistake – a terrible, horrible mistake – and if I could take it back, I _would_… I have had very little joy these last eight years…"

Gwen stared at her mother. "Then why didn't you come back sooner? Why now?"

Mae sighed. "I – er, felt _terribly_ guilty about leaving… I couldn't face what I'd done…"

Gwen nodded, trying to understand,.

Mae continued, "I came back now, because I finally had someone persuade me to put aside my guilt and fears. He made me realize I'm needed here. So here I am, but I understand that I'm incredibly late…" Mae sighed. "Gwen, I'll understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me… but if you could at least give me a chance…"

Gwen studied her socks, thinking.

Sirius reached out to his daughter and patted her knee. "Give her a chance, for me…"

Gwen looked up at her father. "Fine," she said quietly. "I'll give her a chance – for you, Dad…" Then she turned to Mae. "Not for you."

Mae stared into her daughter's eyes, which suddenly seemed so cold. _Where did she get such coldness?_ she thought, as Gwen tore her gaze away from Mae, stood, and asked to leave. As Gwen walked out and closed the door behind her, Mae realized where she had gotten it from, for she had seen it in the mirror for years.

Over the next few days, Mae spent a lot of time at Grimmauld Place. Sirius and James both worked at the Ministry during the day. James, due to a back problem, was no longer working in the field, but as Head of the Auror Training Department. He oversaw all new trainees, created training courses, and went through applications to the program. Overall, he enjoyed his job, but he missed working in the field. Sirius, on the other hand, had managed to keep his job working in the field. He headed his own Auror unit.

While Sirius and James were at work, Mae helped out Lily and two other women from the Order.

Lily worked with Molly Weasley and Lindy Acklebee in a large shed in Grimmauld Place's back yard. The shed was full of cauldrons, herbs, and other miscellaneous potion tools and ingredients.

"We experiment with different potions," Lily explained after introducing Mae to Molly and Lindy. "We make antidotes to various poisons, so we can have them on stock, and we're also attempting to create new antidotes and other potions that might come in handy…"

Mae saw very little of Gwen during those few days. Gwen spent a lot of time with Molly's youngest son, Ron, and Harry. They were usually in the back yard playing Quidditch or at Molly's house with her other children. Gwen kept her distance from Mae; she only spoke to her when she had to, and when she did, it was very short and to the point, and she tried to be as polite as she could be.

Just as Gwen had been trying her best not to be left alone with Mae, Mae was doing just the same thing with Sirius. When Sirius got home from work each evening, Mae made sure she was with Lily or Remus at the time. She wasn't nearly as nervous around Sirius – or any of them – as she had been at first, but she still didn't want to be alone with him. She wasn't sure if she could trust herself – or him, for that matter – not to say the wrong thing, or get stuck in an awkward situation. There were a few times when she caught herself wondering what would happen if they _were_ to be left alone together… but then she would promptly shake the thoughts from her head.

The night of Mae's first meeting in the Order of the Phoenix was two days before the children went back to Hogwarts. The meeting started at seven o'clock, so Mae got to Grimmauld Place at a quarter to seven. Upon entering the parlor, where the meeting was to take place, Mae bumped into Lindy, who was clinging happily to the arm of a man with longish, thin black hair and a pale face.

Stopping and staring mid-apology, Mae gasped when she realized who the man was.

"Severus?"

Severus Snape stared down at his cousin, unsure of whether to be surprised or not. Putting his arm around Lindy, who was looking between Severus and Mae uncertainly, he pushed her gently back towards the parlor and told her he'd join her in a moment. Glancing back only briefly, Lindy left the two cousins standing in the hallway.

Mae was still staring at Severus, a look of shock on her face. Severus stood across from her and put his hands in his cloak pockets, looking at her blankly.

"You look surprised to see me, Mae," he said lightly. Mae tore her eyes away from Severus's and glanced about the room.

"Well, I –" she began, unsure of what to say. "Last I knew – you – you were – well…"

"A Death Eater?" he offered casually.

Taken aback, Mae replied, "Well…"

Severus didn't reply right away. Instead, he stood there, watching her. She felt his eyes boring into her.

Then, he said suddenly, "I've been in the Order nearly as long as you have, Mae. I've been working as a double agent. Surely somebody has told you that?" He said all of this quietly, still watching her closely. Mae opened her mouth to reply, but shut it shortly afterwards for she didn't know what to say. _A double agent? Severus?!_ "I see nobody has told you after all," he said in response to her silence. "Well, Mae, now you know. But, as much as I would love to stand here and chat just as if we were ten years old again," he began coldly, "we should probably just head into the parlor, for the meeting should be starting any moment now… nearly everyone else is here already." That said, Severus turned slowly and walked into the parlor, leaving Mae standing in the hallway, lost in her scrambled thoughts.

_Severus is working for the Order? Ten years ago he was a Death Eater; I know he was… And how could he possibly have been working in the Order this long and not have murdered James or Sirius? They _hated_ each other… Severus isn't a Death Eater?!_

"Oh, Mae, good!" Lily came hurriedly out of the parlor. "You're here! Good, I was just coming out to check for stragglers – " She stopped, touching Mae's arm lightly. "Are you okay?"

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Mae hesitated. "Severus?" Mae let the question trail off, the realization of how much things had changed in eight years silencing her. Lily's eyes widened.

"Oh, Mae," she began gently. "Of course you wouldn't be expecting to see him here. I can't believe I didn't think to warn you – "

"He said he's been working as a double-agent?"

Lily smiled. "He's the one who told Dumbledore that Voldemort was after us. Of course, we didn't find that out until Remus demanded an explanation from Dumbledore as to why he was allowing Severus to teach at Hogwarts."

Mae nodded, still having trouble believing what she was hearing. "And Lindy and Severus?"

Lily smiled. "Going on a month next week, I think. That's actually how we found Lindy. She works in the apothecary in Diagon Alley, and Severus went there to pick up more boomslang skin for me one day…"

Mae nodded. "Right… interesting."

Lily chuckled. "Yes, but we should get into the meeting."

Mae nodded again and the two continued into the parlor.

The parlor was filled with roughly twenty people. Mae followed Lily over to where James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were talking with Arthur Weasley and a man Mae didn't know.

The man introduced himself as Kingsley Shacklebolt, and when he smiled, Mae saw a glimmer of familiarity in his face, but said nothing about it.

To Mae, the meeting seemed quite uneventful, simply due to the fact that she didn't completely understand everything that was going on. There were a number of different 'Projects', each with its own code-name, and most of the meeting was recaps of how each project was going, what they'd learned, what they'd done, and what they were planning next. Mae knew the Project she belonged to was called 'Project Dove', which included Remus, Severus, and Hagrid. Their objective had been explained to Mae by Remus a few nights prior. Because they were teachers at Hogwarts, they had an advantage at protecting Harry and the other children who had family in the Order…

There were also other students who needed to be watched carefully. Mae was told Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy's only son was to be starting Hogwarts this year as well.

"…and I don't believe it a coincidence, Mae," Dumbledore had said, "that we are beginning to get reports on Lord Voldemort's activities the year Harry begins his first year at Hogwarts.

"If Lucius Malfoy is indeed still a follower of Lord Voldemort, then I would not put it past them to use his son, Draco, as spy – whether Draco is aware of it or not."

Mae turned her attention back to the meeting. She listened as somebody from each project took turns reporting on the project's status. She also noted that some groups didn't report at all. For example, she never heard Project Dragon come up. She also noticed that some people, like Sirius, James, Remus, and Severus had more than one folder.

Three and a half hours later, the meeting had ended. James, Lily, Remus, and Mae were gathered by the front door, preparing to leave for the night.

"So you'll bring Harry and Hope over to the house tomorrow morning, Sirius?" Lily asked tiredly as James helped her into her cloak.

"Right," Sirius replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. Glancing at Mae and Remus, he added, "Are you bringing Natalie to the picnic, Remus?"

"As long as it is still okay," he replied, looking at Lily, who nodded.

"Five o'clock, right?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," James replied. "Okay, then, we'll be off."

James and Lily said good night, stepped out the door, and Apparated back to Godric's Hollow.

"Well," Remus began, "goodnight, Sirius. See you tomorrow, mate…"

Sirius nodded, glancing at Mae again.

"Yes, goodnight, Sirius," Mae said, turning towards the door, but Remus was still standing in front of it, as if waiting for something. "Uh, are we leaving, Remus?" Mae asked quietly, chuckling.

"Oh!" Remus smiled, nodded to Sirius and opened the door. "Right…" He stopped again, and turned to look at Sirius again. "Am I forgetting something?"

Mae gave him a funny look.

Sirius shuffled his feet and shook his head quickly. "Nope, you're all set, Moony."

"Ah," Remus hesitated, watching Sirius glance between him and Mae. "All right. Goodnight…"

Mae laughed and followed Remus out the door. "Yeah, okay, we're all set. Goodnight, Sirius –"

"Uh – hey, Mae?"

Mae turned around and looked back at Sirius. He was standing in the doorway, one hand in his pocket. She watched him as he ran a hand through his hair and shifted from one foot to the other.

"Yes?" she asked, glancing at Remus.

"I – er – well, I was going through some old boxes the other day and – well, I want to show you something, if you don't mind sticking around a bit longer, that is…" he asked trying to keep his voice even.

Mae looked back at Remus, who quickly turned to stare at the ground.

"Well," she began uncertainly, "it's late – "

"Go ahead," Remus said quietly, trying not to smile. "I'll just go back without you, it's not a big deal."

"I – er –" she stuttered, glancing between Sirius, still standing in the doorway, and Remus, trying not to make eye contact with either of them. _Ten minutes,_ she thought to herself. She sighed. "Well, I guess…"

Remus nodded, smiling slightly. "Good. I'll see you later, then –"

"Wait up for me, Remus?" Mae asked quickly. "I won't be long."

Remus hesitated. "Er – well, sure, I guess."

Mae smiled. "I'll see you in a little while, then."

Remus turned and left, Apparating away to Hogwarts.

Mae took a deep breath and walked back into the house. Sirius made a gesture of offering to take her shawl, but Mae just smiled and muttered, "It's fine, thank you…"

The two stood in the hallway for a moment in silence. Mae glanced about the room as Sirius watched her nervously. Breaking the silence, Mae said hurriedly, "You had something to show me?"

"Oh, right!" Sirius muttered, turning around and heading up the staircase.

Following him – not too closely – Mae wondered where they were going. _Oh God,_ Mae thought suddenly, a panicky feeling raising in her stomach. _What if he's taking me to his room?! _

But to Mae's relief, the room Sirius led her into was not a bedroom – though, with a glance at the couch, Mae wondered if Sirius did sleep in there. The room looked to be an office. There was a large mahogany desk set in front of a tall bookcase. On one wall there was a large window that overlooked the back yard. Along the opposite wall was the aforementioned couch, which had a pillow and blanket strewn across it haphazardly.

Sirius walked across the room to an old Muggle phonograph Mae instantly recognized as having been her mother's. Surprised at seeing it, Mae watched as Sirius picked up a Muggle album off his desk and walked over to her, smiling.

Showing it to her, Sirius said quietly, "Like I said, I was going through some old boxes that haven't been touched since before we moved in here, and, well, I thought you might like this…"

It was an old, tattered, Frank Sinatra record.

Still smiling, Sirius took it out of her hands gently and crossed back over to the record player and set the record on it. Mae shut her eyes as the familiar old tune brought back a flood of memories. It was _their_ song. This was the song that – whenever they heard it – they had danced to it. It wasn't as though it had any special significance when it was made _their_ song; they had been listening to the Muggle radio at Mae's parents' house one summer, and they both just decided that it was going to be _their_ song. And from then on, whenever they heard it, they thought of one another.

When Mae opened her eyes, she saw Sirius standing in front of her, watching her closely.

Mae forced a smile. "I should – ah – I should probably be going…"

Sirius held out his hand and asked her quietly, "Dance with me?"

Mae stared at him, feeling her eyes starting to tear up. "I can't," she said quietly, hesitantly. "I should be going…"

Sirius stared into her eyes and took a small step closer to her. "Please, Mae…"

Mae couldn't tear her gaze away from him. Choking back a sob, Mae whispered again, "I should be going…"

Sirius wouldn't look away from her. Still holding his hand out to her, he took another step towards her, so he was barely a foot away from her, and said quietly, "Then why haven't you left yet?"

Startled, Mae finally tore her eyes away from him. Glancing about the room as if it would tell her what to say, Mae pulled her shawl a little more tightly around herself.

She jumped as she felt Sirius' hands pulling her shawl gently off her shoulders and tossing it onto the couch. Then he grabbed her hand softly and carefully put his other hand around her waist. Mae subconsciously allowed him to pull her body close to his. Then, he moved, and Mae moved with him. After a moment, Mae leaned her head onto his shoulder; it fit in that spot between his neck and shoulder just as well as it had eleven years before. Relaxing, Mae drew her hand out of his and slid it up his arm and around to the back of his neck, holding him tightly. She felt the hand she had just let go of slide around to her waist, his arms pulling her more tightly against him.

Mae's nervousness had slipped away without her even realizing it. Suddenly she was back in a place where life had been good – before things had become too much to handle. She was safe and happy, in his arms once again, with not a single worry.

Sirius closed his eyes as Mae relaxed in his embrace. He felt her tension slip away. Suddenly the realization of how much he had missed her the last eight years came flooding through him. It was almost too much to bear. He felt as though something were pressing against his chest. His throat tightened, and his breathing picked up.

Pulling away from her gently, he looked down at her and took her hands in his. Smiling gently, he said quietly, "You should probably get going."

"Right," Mae whispered nervously, smiling back at him. She turned around and picked her shawl up off from the couch. Slipping it over her shoulders, she turned back to Sirius. "Thank you, for that… I can't believe you kept my mum's phonograph… she loved that thing."

Sirius smiled. "Of course I kept it. I figured you would want it someday."

"Thank you." Mae turned and started toward the door.

"I'll walk you down," Sirius said quickly, following her downstairs.

"Well," Mae began, standing in the foyer with Sirius. "Goodnight, Sirius."

Sirius took a step closer to Mae. Carefully, he reached out to her and tucked a strand of her curly hair behind her ear. "I'll see you at James and Lily's tomorrow, right?"

Mae nodded.

"Goodnight, then, Mae," Sirius said as he reached around her to open the front door.

Mae smiled nervously and started to walk out the door, but suddenly stopped, turned around and stared up at Sirius.

"Mae?" he began, but stopped short as she reached up, pulled his face down to hers and kissed him gently.

When she pulled away, she looked up at him nervously. Sirius didn't know what to think or what to say. He stood staring down at her, a surprised look on his face.

The silence that followed was almost too awkward for Mae to bear. Mae laughed nervously and turned to leave.

"I'm sorry; that was stupid," she muttered.

Sirius grabbed her arm and turned her back to him. "No, it wasn't. I'm glad you did. It clears some things up…"

Mae smiled. "Goodnight."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four Chapter Four"Sleep, my little one…"

_Mae leaned over the little nineteen-month-old child fast asleep in her crib and gently kissed her forehead. Tucking the blanket around her, she sighed. They'd made it through another day._

_Now they needed to make it through the night… then they'd have to make it through tomorrow… and keep going for who knew how long…_

_Mae turned away from the baby and slipped into the hall and down to the kitchen. After pouring herself a glass of wine, she left the glass on the counter and took the bottle with her into the living room and curled up on the couch._

_With a sigh she reached into her pocket and grabbed a cigarette. _

_She lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply, savoring in the calm it brought to her. _

_The little Muggle radio she kept on the mantle of the fireplace played a mellow little tune. Closing her eyes, Mae relaxed in the comfort only cigarettes, wine, and Muggle music could bring her anymore._

_Beep, beep, beep…_

_Her eyes flew open. Someone was here. They were in the yard. She set down the cigarette and wine bottle and grabbed her wand. _

_Beep, beep, beep…_

_There's a shadow on the front step… _

_Mae stood and walked towards the front door, wand held firmly in her hand. _

"_Translucio," she muttered and the front door faded into a ghost and revealed a man standing on her doorstep wearing a heavy cloak. He had his head leaned up against the door, as if he was too exhausted to even stand upright. _

_She watched as he raised his wand to the door and tapped it four times, muttered the correct password, and the door clicked open. He pulled his hood away from his face and Mae let out a small cry._

_She dropped her wand and flung herself into the arms of the man standing in her doorway._

"_It's over, Mae," he whispered into her hair, holding her tightly._

"_Sirius!" she whispered._

_He pulled back from her, shut the door behind him and listened as the magical lock slipped into place._

_He smiled softly at Mae's tearstained face. "Dumbledore's spy said he's gone into hiding, he's weakened almost to nothing, Mae. Voldemort is gone. James and Lily and Harry are safe now. Dumbledore has reversed the Fidelius Charm and James and Lily want us all to come over tomorrow, including Remus and Peter! We can all be together again!"_

_Mae smiled up at him. "That's wonderful…I've missed you so much! This past year has been so… almost too much to bear…"_

"_I knew you could do it, Mae." Sirius smiled and walked over to the wine bottle set haphazardly on the couch. He picked it up, took a drink, and handed it to Mae for a drink._

"_How's my little girl?" he asked happily._

"_She's sleeping," Mae replied. Sirius took off his cloak and flung it onto a chair as he nearly skipped down the hall to Gwen's room. Mae sighed, picked up her unfinished cigarette and collapsed back on the couch, feeling complete exhaustion flood through her body._

_Beep, beep, beep…_

_Someone else is here?_

_Beep, beep, beep…_

_Who the hell…_

Beep, beep, beep…

Mae's eyes snapped open, her hand wrapped tightly around her wand. Rolling over, she glanced at the watch on her nightstand, which was softly emitting a little beeping sound, intended to wake her up for the day.

Groaning softly, she rolled out of bed and shut off the alarm.

"Mae will be along in a little while, she was finishing up some lesson plans when I left," Remus said as he took off his cloak and hung it up.

"Ah, she's still a procrastinator, eh?" James asked, laughing.

"Actually, she's two full months ahead of what most Professors usually are."

"Good for her! So she's really into this teaching thing. That's great!"

"Yeah."

"So," James began, walking into the sitting room, glancing around for Lily. Then he asked quietly, "Has she said anything about last night?"

Remus shook his head. "Not a whisper. But I'm afraid it didn't go too well. She buried herself in her work and she's been moody all day. In fact, she chucked _The Potionmaster's Encyclopedia_ at my head the last time I asked," he added with a chuckle. "Did Sirius say anything when he dropped off Harry and Gwen this morning?"

"Nope. He was in and out of here in two minutes."

"What are you two talking about?" Lily asked as she walked into the sitting room, floating a tray of wineglasses in the air ahead of her.

"Nothing," James said quickly, glancing at Remus.

Lily arched a delicate eyebrow, but chose to ignore the obvious cover-up for the time being. She began to pour each of them a glass of wine.

"So where is Mae?" she asked.

"She'll be along in a bit. She had some stuff to finish up," Remus replied.

Lily sighed and sat down on the sofa. "How is she doing? She doesn't talk much about herself, just about Hogwarts and Order stuff."

"Well, that's pretty much all she'll talk about to me, too," Remus said. Lily handed him a glass of wine, and he took a sip.

"How do you _think_ she's doing?" Lily asked. "I mean, you've probably talked to her more than the rest of us have since she's been back. Plus, you're so good at reading people." Lily smiled at him.

Remus chuckled. James had left the room to go to the loo. "She's the same as she used to be when it comes to expressing her feelings. She keeps it all in. I know she's nervous when it comes to Gwen, as well as when it comes to the rest of us."

"What do you mean? She's still nervous around the rest of us?"

"Of course. I mean, we've all changed. And I think we all know we can't go back to the way we were. She's afraid to do anything other than what's necessary, or strike up a conversation about anything other than work or the Order. I know she wants nothing more than to be best friends with you and James again, and not have to worry about what she says or does around everyone."

"And Sirius?"

Remus sighed and sat down in an armchair across from her. "I'm not sure. If there's one thing Mae is adamant about not talking about, it's Sirius."

"Do you think she wants to get back together with him?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think she still loves him?"

Remus chuckled. "Hell, Lily. I have no idea… I'd like to say yes…"

Lily gave him a small smile. "Do you think Sirius wants to be with her again? I mean, I know he still loves her…"

"He does. He's just as nervous about the whole thing as she is, though. But I don't know. I wish I knew what happened last night…" Remus trailed off as he realized he'd said too much, and then realized it was exactly what Lily wanted to hear.

"What about last night?" Lily asked promptly.

James walked into the room just then, and stopped, glancing between his wife and Remus.

Remus laughed nervously. "Ah, bugger…"

Lily turned to her husband and asked innocently. "Know about anything interesting that might have happened last night, James?"

"Uh…" James ran a hand through his hair and glanced out the window into the pouring rain. "Oh, erm – " He quickly recovered and strolled over to the sofa and sat beside Lily. Shrugging, he said lightly, "It's nothing. Sirius just asked Mae to stick around for a few minutes – "

"He found Mae's mum's old phonograph and wanted to show her," Remus said quickly and shrugged.

Lily raised both of her eyebrows. "And how long was she there? Remus?" She gave him the look that only Lily does so well.

Remus shifted uncomfortably. "I – erm… I'm not sure, exactly… I went straight to bed when I got home…"

Lily sighed. "You two were in on this?" She watched her husband and Remus exchange a glance.

"It was Sirius' idea – " James said quickly.

"Do either of you know what his intentions were?" Lily demanded quietly.

"To get her alone," James replied quickly. Lily looked shocked.

"That's not what he meant," Remus said quickly. "Sirius just wanted her to trust him again! It's obvious she's avoiding him. He just wanted a few minutes alone with her."

Lily's expression softened. A few moments later, Harry and Gwen came stomping down the stairs and into the sitting room.

"Mum? Oh, hey, Remus," Harry said, smiling. "Can we have a Butterbeer?"

"Wait until dinner, it'll be ready in a little while," Lily replied.

Harry sighed and the two ran back up the stairs to Harry's room.

Lily watched the two run back upstairs. She sighed. "Do you think everything went okay last night?"

"I have no idea," Remus replied quietly.

A few minutes later, Lily looked out the window and saw Sirius Apparate just outside their gate, standing in the pouring rain.

"Sirius is here – " Lily began, but stopped as another figure appeared next to him, causing him to jump. "And so is Mae…"

James and Remus both turned their heads quickly to look out the window…

"I wish it would stop raining," Harry moaned as he stared out from his bedroom window. Gwen was lying on his bed, tossing an old, battered Quaffle up in the air and catching it.

"Yeah, me too. I want to play Quidditch!"

Harry nodded as he continued to stare out the window. Suddenly he saw someone appear outside the front gate, followed shortly after by another figure.

"Your dad and mum are here," he said, watching them.

"Oh, _goody_," Gwen muttered sarcastically.

Harry squinted trying to see through the rain. "They're just standing there in the rain… talking…"

Gwen caught the Quaffle and sat up. "What?"

"Come here," he said. "They haven't even come in the gate yet. And it's _pouring_ outside!"

Gwen jumped off the bed and ran to the window. "What could they possibly need to talk about in the rain?"

Harry shrugged. "Maybe something they don't want anyone else to hear?"

Gwen narrowed her eyes and glared through the rain-streaked window…

"Mae!" Sirius gasped, shoving his hand into his cloak pocket.

"Sirius," Mae said, surprised. "Goodness, I nearly landed on top of you, didn't I?"

Sirius smiled. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Mae felt her cheeks flush. "So, are you going inside, or are you just going to stand out here and get soaked?" she asked.

"You know how I enjoy the rain."

Mae smiled back at him. After an awkward silence, Mae tore her eyes away from his and made to push the gate open, but he caught her hand.

"Should we talk about last night?" he asked quietly.

Mae glanced around. "In the rain – "

"It's better than indoors with all of the extra ears around to overhear."

"Sirius," Mae began, flashing him a nervous smile, "I'm freezing my ass off out here – we can talk later…"

Sirius nodded, but his smile faded a little. "Right. Well, let's get you inside, then."

Sirius opened the front door and called, "Guess who nearly Apparated right on top of me?"

James, Lily, and Remus smiled up at them from their seats and then stood to greet them, acting as if they hadn't been spying from the window.

Sirius took Mae's cloak from her and hung it up along with the others. Just then Gwen and Harry came racing down the stairs once again and Gwen ran straight past Mae and gave her dad a huge hug.

Mae was watching the two of them fondly when Lily's voice suddenly cut through to her.

"Mae, would you like to help me finish up dinner?"

Mae jumped and tore her eyes away from her daughter and Sirius, and nodded, stepping around James, Harry, and Remus to follow Lily to the kitchen. The smell of the roast pork in the oven filled the room.

"Mmm, it smells delicious, Lil," Mae said.

"Thanks, hon," Lily replied. "Would you like something to drink? We have wine out in the living room, Butterbeer – "

"I'll take a glass of wine. It's out in the living room – "

"Not anymore," Sirius said, walking into the kitchen, carrying two glasses of wine. He handed one to Mae. "Thought you might like that."

Mae smiled. "Thanks."

"Yes, thank you, Sirius," Lily began, picking up a kitchen knife to start chopping lettuce. "But you know the rules, no men in the kitchen until _after_ dinner, or else there won't be any food left for everyone else come dinnertime."

Sirius raised his hands. "Alright, alright. But are you sure you don't need a nice set muscles to help out with anything?" Mae and Lily laughed.

"We'll be fine, Sirius," Lily said.

"Okay." Sirius watched Mae as she turned around to find something to help with. She seemed happy, and very willing to help Lily out, but he could tell she was hiding.

Sirius sighed and headed back down the hall.

Lily glanced toward the doorway to make sure Sirius was gone as she handed a few carrots to Mae for her to peel and cut.

"So, are you excited to start teaching tomorrow?" she asked.

Mae gave a nervous laugh. "Yes and no… I'm excited, but I'm also worried I'll be terrible at it."

Lily smiled. "I'm sure you'll be just fine. Harry and Gwen can't wait until tomorrow."

"I'm sure. I remember our first day. I didn't like you for – what? Two years? But then you grew on me."

"Yeah," Lily recalled fondly. "I never understood you, hanging out with James and them."

"Ah, how people change."

Lily smiled and glanced at her friend. She was chopping the carrots with a small smile on her face. _Maybe she really is okay_, she thought.

"So, I heard you stuck around Sirius' last night after everyone else left."

Mae looked up from the carrot she was chopping. The tone of Lily's voice concerned her.

Cautiously, Mae replied, "He wanted to show me he'd kept my mum's old phonograph for me. I was only there for about ten minutes. Who told you?"

Lily gave her a small smile. "Remus let it slip."

Mae laughed. "I knew Remus must've been in on that."

Lily didn't reply right away. She fussed around the kitchen for a few minutes in silence before asking lightly, "Did anything happen?"

Mae felt her face turn red. "In ten minutes?" she replied jokingly. Lily turned around and leaned up against the kitchen counter, watching Mae start peeling a potato.

Feeling Lily watching her, Mae glanced up at her quickly. "Okay… I kissed him."

"Is that it?" Lily asked carefully.

Mae set the half-peeled potato down and turned to face Lily. "Why are you questioning me like this, Lily?"

"Just be careful, Mae."

"What do you mean?"

"You have no idea what kind of wreck Sirius has been since you left. What you did – "

"Well this is none of your business – "

"Yes it is." Lily stared determinedly at Mae. "I'm not trying to cause any problems, Mae. But you need to understand. I know what he's been through, and I don't want to see him hurt again. And what about Gwen? If you two were suddenly together again, how will Gwen react to that?"

Mae sighed.

"Just take your time, Mae, that's all," Lily said gently.

"You're right," Mae whispered.

Mae jumped as the doorbell rang.

Lily cleared her throat. "I should go get that," she said lightly.

Mae forced a smile. "I'm going to run to the loo."

Mae returned from the bathroom to find Arthur, Molly, and Natalie in the sitting room with James, Lily, Remus, and Sirius. She heard footsteps and laughter from upstairs and knew the Weasley children had joined Harry and Gwen.

"- certainly am ready for the kids to get back to Hogwarts!" Molly was saying. "Then I'll only have Ginny to deal with."

"Who can be quite a handful herself," Arthur added, smiling.

"And probably will be worse what with all of the others gone! Just the other day, when we went to get school supplies, she was grabbing a second copy of everything we bought for Ron, assuring us that she would be going with him!"

Everyone laughed.

"Ah, just toss her in a trunk and send her along!" Sirius joked.

Molly laughed. "I'm sure she'd love that!"

The conversation went on as Sirius leaned over to Mae.

"Can we talk now that you're dry?" he whispered. Mae hesitated before nodding. Sirius stood up and motioned for her to follow him back into the kitchen.

Sirius waited as Mae shut the door behind her, but before he could say anything, Mae turned around.

"I need to apologize, Sirius," she began. "About last night. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put you in that position."

Sirius watched her for a moment, slightly disappointed, then nodded. "You're probably right."

"It's just that, we need to think of Gwen. I mean, she's not exactly too fond of me at the moment, and I think that if she were to find that you and I were 'back together' she might not take it too well… we need to take it slow, for everyone's sake."

Sirius nodded. "Right."

Mae nodded in return, not knowing what to say next. They stood in the kitchen, silent.

The door opened suddenly, causing them to jump.

"Oh, sorry," James began. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Mae and Sirius both shook their heads. "No, nothing at all," Mae replied.

"Good! Lily sent me in to check on the muffins she has in that damn Muggle contraption," he said as he strolled over to the oven. "She told me to take them out so they don't get burnt – ah, bugger."

Mae and Sirius glanced at each other over James' head, smiling. The muffins were burnt black.

"Wake up, Gwen-bug! The day you've been waiting for has arrived!"

Sirius walked over to Gwen's bed and flopped down on the edge to shake his daughter gently awake. The mess of curly brown hair groaned and rolled over to glare at her father, who seemed way too happy for seven in the morning.

"I don't wanna – "

"Sure you do! You've been bugging me about this day for years! And I can't believe it's finally here, but it is, so why don't you get up, wash up, and meet me downstairs for breakfast! I made it all myself!"

"So that's why I was dreaming of burnt pancakes," she muttered, her face still buried in a pillow. Sirius laughed.

"Come on, it's not that bad!"

Gwen walked into the kitchen to see her father munching on a piece of bacon, reading the Daily Prophet. She flopped down in front of a plate stacked high with un-burnt pancakes, a clump of scrambled eggs, and a pile of bacon. She sighed and took a sip of her orange juice, and then just stared at the plate before her.

Sirius glanced around his paper. "Why aren't you eating?"

Gwen shrugged. "Not hungry."

Sirius sighed and set down his paper. "Okay, Gwen-bug, what's wrong?"

Gwen shrugged again.

"Are you nervous?"

Another shrug.

"It's normal to be nervous, or a little scared, but you'll see me at Christmas! And Remus will be there, and Harry, and Ron – "

"And _her_."

Sirius hesitated a moment. "By '_her_' you mean your mother?"

Gwen was silent.

Sirius sighed and took a sip of his coffee. "Gwen, I didn't know you were this worried about it. Why didn't you talk to me about it?"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings, I guess," she replied quietly.

"Ah, sweetie – "

"I saw you two talking last night. Out in rain. Why in the rain? What were you talking about?

Sirius stared into her curious brown eyes, surprised. "Uh, nothing, it was just kind of – funny that we showed up at the same time…"

Gwen picked up her fork and nudged her scrambled eggs thoughtfully. "Are you two going to get back together?"

Sirius nearly choked on his coffee. "Now, that is – er – " he mumbled, then paused. "What would you think if we did?"

Gwen stared at him silently.

"I mean," he added hurriedly, "it wouldn't be any time soon! But say at some point, after you got to know her better and got more comfortable with her, and she and I figured out our own issues…"

Gwen furrowed her eyebrows. "Like in five years or something?"

Sirius barked a laugh, then stopped quickly. "Uh – who knows? When the time is right, I guess."

Gwen sighed and finally took a bite of her eggs. "I dunno… I guess I wouldn't have a problem with it if I actually liked her."

"I know you'd like her if you got to know her, Gwen-bug."

"Yeah, well, don't expect that to happen too soon," she replied before shoveling another clump of eggs in her mouth.

Sirius sighed and went back to his paper.

A few minutes later, Gwen asked, "What am I supposed to call her? 'Mum' or 'Professor McPhay' or – "

"In class you need to call her 'Professor', but if you're talking to her alone then you can call her 'Mum' – "

"I don't know if I want to call her Mum," Gwen whispered.

"Well, she _is_ your mum. What have you been calling her?"

"I haven't had to call her _anything_. I've hardly talked to her at all."

"Why not?"

"I don't know what to talk to her about! I don't know what she likes, what she doesn't like, what she does in her free time! I don't know who she is!"

Sirius looked at his daughter sadly, watching as tears welled up in her eyes.

"And she doesn't seem to want to talk to me, either!" she added defensively.

"Ah, now that's not true! She's just feeling the same way you are, she doesn't know how to talk to you."

"Well she's never going to learn unless she tries!" Gwen said stubbornly.

Sirius smiled. "And neither are you."

"Here, this one's empty," Ron said, peering into a compartment.

Ron, Harry, and Gwen shoved their trunks onto the luggage racks, then peered out the window at their parents standing on the platform.

"Bye!" Harry yelled out the window.

"Bye Mum, Dad, Ginny!" Ron hollered.

"Bye Dad!" Gwen whispered as she waved.

"Have fun!"

"Behave yourselves!"

As the train pulled away from the platform, Harry, Ron, and Gwen flopped down in their seats.

"Finally!" Ron said, exasperated. "We're going to Hogwarts!"

"I can't wait!" Harry said happily.

Gwen just smiled. "How long do you think it'll take?"

Ron shrugged. "Fred told me it took all day, but Percy said it's only a few hours."

Somebody knocked on the compartment door and slid it open. "Care for any snacks, you three?"

All three of them jumped up, rummaged in their pockets for some money, and got handfuls of sweets.

A while later, another knock came at the door. It was slid open to reveal a girl with bushy brown hair and a short, plump boy standing nervously behind her.

"Has anyone seen a toad? Neville has lost his." She pointed at the boy behind her.

"No, we haven't," Harry replied.

"Well, I have my toad," Ron said, pulling his toad out of his pocket. The toad simply sat in his palm looking irritated at having been pulled out of its comfy little pocket.

The girl sighed and sat down next to Gwen, staring at Ron's toad. "Well, that doesn't help, if he's yours. Sorry, Neville, we've looked in every compartment."

Neville stood in the doorway, looking unsure of what to do next.

"Why don't you join us, Neville? I'm sure he'll turn up somewhere. I'm Harry Potter, by the way," Harry said, moving over to make room for Neville. "And this is Ron Weasley and Gwen Black."

"And I'm Hermione Granger," the girl said.

Neville looked around, gave a small groan and plopped down beside Harry. "My Gran's going to kill me."

Ron's toad croaked.

"Ew, I think your toad has gas," Hermione said.

"What?" Ron replied. "Hopper doesn't have gas! He's just croaking!"

Suddenly a foul smell filled the compartment. Gwen and Harry laughed, Neville gave a small smile, and Hermione just sat with a smirk on her face. Ron looked disgusted.

"Hopper! Errg!" he exclaimed as he shoved the poor toad back into his pocket. "Shut it, you two!" he said, glaring at Harry and Gwen.

"Well anyway," Hermione said, standing up. "You should probably get your uniforms on. I reckon we should be arriving shortly."


	5. Chapter 5

Mae watched nervously from the staff table in the Great Hall. She could feel the nervous excitement of the first years emanating off them in a wave and washing over her, reminding her of her own Sorting.

She couldn't believe she was sitting at the staff table, equal to those who had taught her in her own school days. Sitting to her left was Remus' empty chair, and to her right was tiny Professor Flitwick.

She turned her gaze towards the crowd of first-years, searching through them for Gwen, whom she knew would undoubtedly be with Harry and Ron. It didn't take long for her to find Ron's bright red hair, and, from there, Harry and Gwen beside him.

Remus' voice interrupted her thoughts—and Gwen was first. Mae leaned forward slightly in her seat to have a better view, a small smile on her face. She watched her daughter hesitate for a split second, then walk up to the stool. With a quick smile at Remus, she climbed onto the stool and set the Hat on her head.

"_Gryffindor!_"

Mae nearly cried out loud when she heard the Hat, but instead she managed to restrain herself and clap politely.

She caught a smile from Remus just before the clapping died down, and the next student was called.

She was not surprised when Harry was sorted into Gryffindor as well, followed soon after by Ron. She was surprised, however at how many surnames she recognized; Longbottom, Malfoy, Goyle, Lovegood…

Soon, the Sorting was over, and Dumbledore stood to make his announcements.

Remus took his seat beside Mae and whispered, "How're you doing?"

"Great," she whispered back with a smile.

"Welcome back, students! It is always a joy to have this castle filled with young laughter. Before we begin what I'm sure will be a fantastic feast, I do have a few announcements.

"First of all, I would like to introduce Professor McPhay, who will be taking over the Potions lessons."

Mae felt her face flush lightly as the students and the rest of the staff clapped politely.

"…And a reminder to students, old and new, the Forbidden Forest is strictly off-limits.

"Now, I wish you all the best of luck with your studies. Enjoy the feast!"

"Since there are only four of us, I think we should use the bunks on those walls, and not the one over there."

Hermione was pointing to the bed Gwen was just about to sit down upon.

Slightly irritated with Hermione's tone, Gwen asked, "Why not this one?"

"Well, when the sun comes up, it's going to be shining directly in the eyes of whoever sleeps there," she replied confidently.

Gwen stared at her for a moment, rolled her eyes, and walked over to a bed on the opposite side of the room Hermione was heading towards. "I'll take this one, then."

Hermione nodded and turned towards the other two girls in the room. "You're Parvati Patil and you're Lavender Brown, right? I'm Hermione Granger, and that's Gwendolyn Black—"

"It's Gwen," she interrupted, irritated.

"Oh. Sorry, Gwen," Hermione replied with a smile. "Anyway, we should probably all get to bed now—"

"I'll be right back," Gwen muttered, rushing out the door.

"Wait!" she heard Hermione's voice calling from behind her.

Gwen ignored her and rushed down the stairwell, glanced around the common room for Harry and Ron, then ran up the stairwell towards the boys' dormitories. She found the one labeled 'First Year", and knocked loudly before opening it and stepping in.

"Harry?" she asked loudly.

She saw the five boys jump, then, when they realized it was a girl standing in their dorm, one of them said, "Hey! Who are you—"

"Gwen?" Harry asked, shocked. He glanced at Ron, and the two of them started walking towards her, but Gwen just strolled in and flopped onto the nearest bed. "What's up?"

"This is bollocks." She glared at the floor.

Harry and Ron glanced nervously at each other. "What is?" Ron asked.

"This whole thing! My mum is my _Professor_! That _girl_ is _annoying_! And the other two are all _giggly_!"

Harry glanced at Ron with a smile. "This is just the first night, Gwen—"

"I just _know_ this is going to—"

"You don't even know your roommates yet!" Ron said. "Maybe you'll like them."

"Your mum is a Professor?"

Gwen, Harry, and Ron turned to a boy sitting on the opposite bed.

Ron replied, "Yeah, Professor McPhay is her mum—"

"Who ran off when I was a baby and just now decided to return and _ruin_ my life!" Gwen interrupted hotly.

The boy raised his eyebrows and glanced at the boy next to him. "Oh… erm, I'm Seamus, by the way. This is Dean and that's Neville."

"Hi," Gwen muttered. "Couldn't I just sleep in here? I'll sleep on the floor, I don't mind—"

"Er, actually, Gwen," Ron began, "I don't think girls are allowed in here… I remember Bill saying something…"

"Well who's gonna know?" Gwen demanded.

The boys exchanged glances. Just then, the door opened once again, and in walked Ron's brother, Percy.

"Alright, boys, you should be getting in bed—"

He stopped abruptly when he saw Gwen. "Gwen! What—what are you doing here? Girls aren't supposed to—"

"Aw, come on Percy!" Gwen cried, as he walked over and reached for her arm. "Please, I'm going to go _bonkers_ being stuck with those girls—"

"No, you won't! You'll live, I promise."

And he marched Gwen out the door, down the stairwell, and to the bottom of the girls' stairwell.

"Goodnight, Gwen."

*****

"_McPhay, Marielle."_

_James sniggered at the sound of her full name. She shot him a look of half-annoyance and half-nervousness as she walked up to the stool. She climbed onto it and felt the Sorting Hat plop onto her head, the brim falling just past her eyes._

"_Hello, there, and welcome to Hogwarts, Mae…" the Hat whispered to her. "Let's see… feisty little thing, you are. But you'll grow out of it in time. You've got a long, hard road ahead of you, I see, but it will all be worth it in the end, of course. My, my, you're an interesting child…_

"_Excuse me, you need to be sorted! I see you're a little worried about the outcome of all of this. You're worried about your dear cousin, but you know you belong in Gryffindor. You mustn't worry about which House you and your cousin are sorted into, because that doesn't mean a thing. Never think one House is better than another, no matter how extravagant the rivalry becomes. Not all Ravenclaws are boring bookworms, not all Hufflepuffs are shy, quiet beings, not all Slytherins are evil, and not all Gryffindors are bold and rambunctious. _

"_I'm going to put you in GRYFFINDOR!"_

_As she reached up to pull the hat off, she heard one more whisper come from it._

"_Everything will be alright."_

_Slightly confused, Mae wandered down to the Gryffindor table and sat beside Sirius. She smiled at the kids around her and turned her attention back to the Sorting. _

_A few minutes later, James was up on the stool, and just as the Hat touched his head it shouted "GRYFFINDOR!" _

_Mae shifted aside for James to sit next to her, and they watched eagerly for the next student to be sorted._

_A couple of students later, Mae heard Severus' name called. She looked at him across the hall, watching him climb onto the stool. Mae held her breath as the hat sat on his head for what seemed to her like a very long time._

_Suddenly, it barked, "SLYTHERIN!"_

_Mae felt a coldness creep through her. James glanced back at her nervously and Sirius stared at his plate. The Slytherin table erupted with applause as Severus walked over to it. _

"_Sorry, Mae," James said quietly. She shrugged and forced a smile._

"_His dad would have been mad. And Sev has never been one to stand up to anybody by himself," she said simply. "And I wasn't there nagging at him this time."_

_James and Sirius looked across Mae to each other curiously, as she stared across the Hall at the Slytherin table…_

*****

Mae smiled as she watched the first year Gryffindor and Slytherins wander into her classroom. Harry, Ron, and Gwen came in together, the boys giving her a smile while Gwen made a beeline for some desks in the back of the classroom.

Once the desks were full, Mae took a deep breath, smiled, and walked around the front of her desk. She had a plan for how to start off her classes, and it had to be placed into effect immediately.

"Good morning, all. As those of you who were paying attention at the Sorting Feast will know, I am Professor McPhay, and I will be instructing you in the art of Potion-making.

"Now, believe it or not, I was once sitting exactly where you are right now. In fact, I even remember the exact spot I was sitting during my first Potions lesson." She walked over to a desk occupied by a round-faced boy. "I was sitting right where—what's your name, dear?" she asked the boy.

"Neville Longbottom," he replied quietly.

Mae paused as she heard his surname. "Neville," she said quietly before continuing. "Right where Neville is sitting now."

She looked around the room, studying the faces. "Therefore, I know what it is like sitting in a dull, boring lesson, with a teacher who never does anything fun. Which is why I am going to do what I can to make these lessons enjoyable." She put her hands together and crossed over to the windows.

"But first of all, let me get a few things out of the way. Firstly, if you wish to pass this course, you will do what I ask and what I assign. If you have a problem with something, come talk to me about it. I promise I will be reasonable with you as long as you be reasonable with me," she said lightly, trying not to sound too strict, but still friendly.

"Lastly, I feel it important to say that I will not tolerate any House rivalry. I don't believe in it," she began, a little more strongly. "If a Gryffindor loses five points, Slytherin will as well. Once you walk in that doorway, you are all the same. You are all students trying to achieve the same goal, and that is to become fully functioning witches and wizards, and know the difference between right and wrong."

She paused and looked around the classroom. There was a mix of expressions on their faces, most of which appeared to be surprise.

She grinned. "Does anyone have any questions?"

Silence.

"Alright then. Let's move on! I would like to start by going around the room and introducing yourselves to everyone. When it's your turn, I would like you to stand up, face the rest of the class, tell us your name, and something about yourself – and I don't care which House you are in, so you do not need to mention that as your 'something about yourself'." She smiled.

"Since I've already introduced myself, let's start over here with Neville."

"So how was your first day?"

Mae looked up from her dinner and smiled at Remus. "Terrifying!" she replied with a smile.

"Well, I have good news to report. Apparently your first year Gryffindor and Slytherins come directly from you to me, and all I heard was excitement coming out of their mouths."

Mae laughed. "Really?" Remus laughed too and nodded. "Erm, what about Gwen?"

Remus' smiled faded slightly. "She was pretty quiet, but she seemed to be enjoying herself."

Mae smiled and glanced out to the Gryffindor table, picking out her daughter. She was chatting animatedly with Ron, Harry, Neville, Seamus, and Dean.

"She's making friends outside of Ron and Harry," she said proudly.

"She's always warmed up to new people fairly quickly," Remus replied, shoveling a chunk of potato into his mouth.

"When do you think she'll warm up to me?" she asked quietly.

Remus swallowed and looked at his friend. She gave him a small smile and patted his arm. "Don't worry," she said teasingly. "I'm alright. I know I've got to give her time."

Remus nodded. "Of course. She'll come around."

The first week passed by quickly and smoothly. Mae taught her lessons with ease and created a fun yet constructive learning environment. She didn't assign any homework other than reading for the first few days. Gwen avoided her as best she could, and rarely spoke up in class. Mae started calling on her, but was returned with reluctant, sometimes sarcastic replies.

That Friday after dinner, Mae was wandering the halls, trying to regain her sense of direction in the castle she'd known so well so long ago.

She was walking along a corridor by her office when Severus stepped around a corner. He slowed down slightly when he saw her, but then resumed regular pace. Mae, on the other hand, stopped and watched him.

He looked past her and kept walking. As he past her, Mae said, "Good evening, Severus."

He slowed down, stopped, and hesitated a moment before turning around. "Good evening," he replied curtly. "Did you need something?"

Mae sighed and took a few steps towards him. "Well, I'd like to talk to you sometime. Maybe we could have a drink in my office—"

"Well, you can't always get what you want, Mae. Have a good night," he interrupted smoothly. He turned around and strode off down the hall.

Mae sighed and rolled her eyes, resuming her trek down the corridor in the opposite direction.

She made her way to her office, unlocked the door and slipped inside. She lit the lights and sat down at her desk, pulling out her lesson plans for Monday.

A knock at her door tore her attention away from the parchment before her. "Come in," she called.

She looked up and saw a bushy-haired girl standing in her doorway. "Hermione," she said, smiling. "What are you doing roaming the halls this late?"

"I'm sorry, Professor," the girl said boldly. "I was working on your essay when I realized I couldn't remember how many inches you required it to be."

Mae chuckled. "No less than twelve, but that depends on your handwriting, of course."

"Oh, okay. Thank you," Hermione replied, smiling. "I also had a question about the theory of—"

"Mae—"

Hermione jumped as the door opened abruptly and Remus appeared. "Oh, sorry to interrupt," he said, seeing Hermione standing behind the door.

"Never mind, Remus," Mae replied. "What do you need?"

"Erm," he began with a glance at Hermione. "Well, Dumbledore needs to see you."

"Okay, I'll be on my way shortly."

Remus nodded. "Um, it's sort of urgent."

Mae nodded slowly and set her quill down. "Alright. Hermione, why don't you stop by and see me tomorrow morning, and we can discuss the essay a little more in depth. Put aside your essay for the rest of the night and spend some time with your friends, alright?" Mae smiled as the girl nodded reluctantly, said good night, and left.

Mae followed Remus out of her office and down the corridor to Dumbledore's office.

"What's going on, Remus?" Mae asked, slightly concerned.

"Nothing too worrisome, just important," he replied. "Dumbledore will explain."

Mae walked into the circular office to see Dumbledore sitting behind his desk, a small velvet box before him.

"Thank you for joining us, Mae," he said. "Have a seat."

Mae glanced around the office. Hagrid and Professors Sprout, Flitwick, and Snape were present as well.

"Now that we're all here," Dumbledore began, "I have a project for each of you. I have been placed guardian of a very valuable object, which must be kept safe and hidden." He paused. "I have found a hiding place for this object, but it will require some more safeguarding than what is already there."

"What is this object, Albus?" Flitwick squeaked.

Dumbledore studied his colleagues. "It is something that requires the utmost secrecy. My dear friend Nicholas Flamel has placed the Philosopher's Stone in my care."

Mae felt her jaw drop and heard Sprout gasp. She glanced at Remus, who was watching Dumbledore intently, and then at Severus, who was staring at the floor. She turned her attention back to Dumbledore.

"I need each of you to come up with a way of protecting this stone, using your expertise to create something. I have yet to decide exactly where in the castle we'll keep it, but once I've decided I'll be sure to let you know. For the time being, I am keeping it safe here in my office."

"I can't wait for flying lessons on Monday!" Harry exclaimed, tossing a Quaffle back and forth with Ron.

"Yeah. Fred said we get to fly on _real_ brooms. As in brooms that will actually go as high as you want them to and as fast as you want them to!"

Gwen jumped up from her spot between the two boys and caught the Quaffle as Ron tossed it to Harry. "Let's do something," she said abruptly, hugging the Quaffle.

Ron asked, furrowing his brow, "Like what?"

Gwen shrugged. "Like explore the castle! This place is huge, and the most we've done here is go to and from our classes. We haven't even been on the fourth floor, or down past the Potions classroom in the dungeons!"

"But students aren't allowed out after hours," Harry said.

"Well," Ron said, sitting up straight, "we've still got another half hour before curfew." He looked expectantly between Gwen and Harry.

Harry hesitated only briefly before grinning. "Let's go."

The three wandered up to the fourth floor and were walking down the corridor when they heard a scuffle in the dimly lit hall.

"What was that?" Ron asked. They looked around the hall curiously.

Harry whispered, "_Lumos_," and watched as the tip of his wand lit up a tapestry hanging beside them on the wall.

"Show off," Ron muttered, trying to hide a smile.

Harry held his wand up to the tapestry. Gwen glanced at it and said, "Come on, let's keep moving. It's almost curfew—"

She stopped abruptly, and she and the boys whipped around to stare at the tapestry. There was a pounding sound coming from behind it.

"What the—" Ron started, backing away slowly.

"Is there a door behind it?" Gwen asked, standing next to Ron.

Suddenly the thudding stopped, and Harry walked timidly up to the tapestry, wand held high. He reached out and pulled on the edge of the tapestry—

_BANG!_

The tapestry whipped away from the wall as a door flew open from behind it. Harry stumbled back into Ron and Gwen, who fell into a suit of armour, knocking it to the floor with a loud _clang_. They watched curiously as a Hermione Granger, covered in dust and cobwebs, stumbled out from behind the door. She looked up and gasped as she saw Harry, Ron, and Gwen staring back at her.

"Oh, thank _goodness_ I got out of there! I thought I was lost." She smiled at the others, looking at the suit of armour lying on the floor, dented. With a flick of her wand, she said, "_Reparo!_"

Harry, Ron, and Gwen watched as the suit of armour righted itself and popped the dents out of it.

"What were you doing?" Harry asked.

Hermione turned, shut the door, and straightened out the tapestry. "I was on my way back to the common room from Professor McPhay's office when I must've made a wrong turn and somehow ended up here," she said simply, attempting to brush the dust and cobwebs off of her robes.

Harry, Ron, and Gwen stared at her, unsure of what to say.

Hermione glanced up and down the corridor and said, "I was beginning to worry. It's almost curfew and I had no idea where I was! Well, I suppose I'm still not sure where I am, but surely you three do." She looked expectantly at them, still smiling.

Harry, Ron, and Gwen glanced at each other. Ron shifted uncomfortably. "_Do_ we know where we are?" he muttered to Gwen. She glanced around nervously.

"Harry?" she asked timidly. Harry furrowed his brows and took a few steps in one direction of the corridor, raising his wand. Then he turned around and stepped in the opposite direction.

Gwen sighed, Ron groaned, and Hermione's smile disappeared.

"You don't even remember which direction you came from?" Hermione demanded.

Nobody replied.

Hermione looked at her watch and said, "It's after hours already! We're going to be in so much trouble if we get caught!"

"Well, what about you?" Ron asked her. "Do you remember how you got here?"

"I _told_ you, Ron," she began impatiently. "I got lost in that hidden corridor!"

"Would you remember if we started going back through there?" Harry asked.

Hermione hesitated, then replied quietly, "I don't think so… there were so many corridors leading off from it."

Gwen scoffed. "Well, let's just go this way," she said pointing in one direction. "We're bound to find something familiar."

"But we're on the fourth floor—where we've never been before, as you pointed out when we left the common room," Ron said. "_Nothing_ is familiar."

"We're on the fourth floor?" Hermione asked excitedly.

"Yeah," Ron replied, looking at her curiously.

Hermione sighed. "Oh, good. The staff lodgings are on this floor… somewhere."

"That's _not_ good," Gwen said quickly. "If we get caught we'll get in trouble, right?"

They exchanged glances.

"We'll have to risk it," Harry said.

They started down the corridor, passing a few closed doors every so often.

After about ten minutes, they rounded a corner, and there was Professor Snape striding down the corridor in their direction. As his eyes locked on them, the children froze.

"Well, well," Snape began. "What have we here? Four little Gryffindors wandering around after hours? Surely, you're going to make up some pathetic excuse?"

"Professor," Hermione began, "We got lost—"

"Of course," he sneered in response. He studied them a moment in silence before saying, "I suppose ten points a piece from Gryffindor for not having a decent sense of direction—"

"But we were lost!" Hermione persisted.

"Do I look like I care?" Snape replied. Silence.

"Follow me." He turned around and strode off down the corridor.

Within ten minutes, Harry, Ron, Gwen, and Hermione were back in their common room.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_Peter followed James through the portrait hole, clutching the bag full of bottles of alcohol. _

"_We have drinks!" James announced to the common room. _

_Peter grinned as students swarmed him and James as they set the bags down onto a table. He grabbed himself a butterbeer and followed James over to the fireplace with Lily, Mae, Sirius, and Remus._

_He watched happily as Sirius opened a bottle of Firewhiskey and began pouring six glasses. Sirius passed out the glasses and wrapped his free arm around Mae's waist. Peter watched curiously as he noticed Mae pull away slightly. She'd been acting strange lately…_

_He tore his attention away from the two of them as Remus cleared his throat._

"_Here's to having made it through these past seven years with five of the best friends a guy could ask for," Remus said, raising his glass._

"_Here's to," Sirius added, "having survived together seven years of screwed-up potions, backfired hexes, jinxed armchairs, and Binns' monotone drones."_

_They all looked to Peter next. He cleared his throat before saying, "Here's to you guys, having taken me under your wing. One day, I shall be the one saving your skins." Everyone laughed, then looked to Lily and Mae._

_Lily blushed and said, "Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you all have made life interesting, and introduced me to mischief… I do appreciate that!"_

_Peter scuffed his toe along the floor and grinned as everyone turned their attention to Mae, who looked nervous—completely unlike her, he noted._

_Mae cleared her throat, "Well, I'll just make this short and sweet. I love you all. You're the greatest friends ever…" Peter noticed she ended with a glance up at Sirius._

_Something's definitely not right with her__, he thought._

_James moved to stand in front of the fire, across from Lily. He cleared his throat, ran his free hand through his hair, and said, "Here is to those of you who have shown me what my life is meant for. You've all given me something to fight for. I thank you for that."_

_He smiled around at his friends. "Cheers."_

_Peter drained his glass and watched discreetly as Mae only pretended to take a sip._

_He shrugged it off and watched his friends. They were all so bold and brave. James and Sirius were to start Auror training shortly after leaving Hogwarts. Remus was trying to find a job. Lily was going to spend her time working with the Order, at least until she could figure out what she wanted to do. Even Mae was throwing around the idea of being an Auror. He wondered what she would end up doing._

_But he, Peter Pettigrew, had landed a boring, parchment-pushing job in Fudge's office. How brave did you have to be for that? Not very._

_I_'_ll figure something out, he thought. Dumbledore did ask me to be in the Order as well. And I am a Gryffindor. That must mean something. _

_I will be the one saving their skins someday._

*****

_Mister Pettigrew,_

_I am pleased to say that your service to me of the last ten years has been extraordinary. With my new position as Minister of Magic, I feel it only appropriate that I give you compensation for your hard work and dedication. You will receive a bonus of 100 galleons and then a raise of 75 galleons._

_Your new title will be Chief Administrator to the Minister of Magic._

_Congratulations,_

_Sincerely,_

_Cornelius O. Fudge_

_Minister of Magic_

Peter set the letter down on his desk with a sigh. After ten years and only two minute raises, he was finally receiving some recognition.

_But I'm still stuck. Stuck here in the dead-end job. Still pushing-parchment. Still kissing people's asses._

Peter cleared off his desk and blew out the lamp. Fudge's congratulatory letter had been accompanied by the request of a fifty-two inch proposal on the regulation of cauldron bottoms. He sighed, gathered up his briefcase, and left his office, locking the door behind him.

The Ministry halls were dark; nearly everybody had gone home already. He made his way to the Atrium and Apparated home.

He turned around to stare up at his little cottage. It was nice and comfortable. When he bought it seven years before, though, he had hoped that within a year or two he would have a wife and children to fill it with. _Like James. Like Sirius… sort of…_

He sighed, pushed open the gate wearily and walked inside. He set his briefcase down heavily onto the desk in the sitting room, kicked off his shoes, and tossed his cloak across the armchair. He stepped into the kitchen and glanced at the post lying on the kitchen table. Grabbing himself a butterbeer from the pantry, he grabbed the post and went back to the sitting room, flopping himself onto the sofa.

One letter caught his eye. The address was written in dark purple ink and curly handwriting. It was from Lily.

He slit it open and read.

_Dear Peter,_

_James and I are hoping you'll be able to join us for supper tomorrow night. Sirius will be here as well. We haven't seen you much lately. We miss you!_

_Hope you're able to join us,_

_Love, _

_Lily and James_

Peter rubbed his forehead and studied the letter. Tomorrow night. He planned on working on that damn proposal first thing tomorrow morning. It would probably take all day. As well as most of Sunday.

He sighed. He did miss them. And he hadn't seen Mae since the last Order meeting. But the letter didn't say she _or_ Remus would be there. But of course, they were at Hogwarts.

_I can take a few hours off tomorrow night, _he thought. _Screw that damned proposal!_

He paused and shook his head. _Well, I can't screw it. That's stupid. It has to be done…_

He laughed at his brief moment of rebelliousness. _This is ridiculous. I should get a dog._

_This job is going to drive me crazy._

Sirius made his way along the little shops in Diagon Alley. He watched people bustling around, clutching their purchases, dragging tiny children along behind them. He saw a little flower shop and watched as a man about his age paid for a bundle of bright red flowers, smiling.

He paused briefly before making his way over to the shop. He wandered along the rows of flowers, toying with the idea of sending some to Mae.

Turning a corner, he ran into a short, plump woman with bright red hair.

"Oh, Molly! Sorry," he said sheepishly, picking up the tiny bundle of flowers she'd dropped.

"Sirius! That's quite alright," she replied breathlessly. She took the flowers from him and smiled up at him. "How've you been?"

Sirius nodded. "Alright. It's strange not having Gwen around."

Molly nodded knowingly. "Yes, I remember when Bill left for Hogwarts the first time. I was a wreck. But of course, I had Charlie and Percy to keep me occupied."

Sirius grinned. "Of course."

Molly smiled at him curiously. "Flower shopping?"

Sirius smiled and shifted nervously. "Erm—just browsing."

Molly nodded. "Right."

He chuckled and gestured to the flowers she was clutching. "Buying Arthur flowers?"

Molly chuckled, but shook her head. "No," she began, the smile fading from her face. "It's the anniversary of Gideon and Fabian's death." She glanced around the shop uneasily.

Sirius raised his brows. "That's right," he replied softly.

Molly shrugged. "It's just a little something I do every year."

Sirius nodded. "Of course."

They stood in awkward silence for a moment before Molly said, "I should be going, Sirius. But it was good to see you."

Sirius nodded. "You too, Molly. See you around."

Molly smiled. As she walked away, she turned around and whispered, "Daisies are always good." She grinned and left.

Sirius chuckled and looked around. _What the hell ones are daisies?_

*****

…_bright blue eyes…_

…_curly blonde hair…_

…_crooked grin…_

…_vomiting in the loo…_

"_I love you, Mae-belle…"_

…_yelling…_

"_What's going on, Mae?"_

…

"…_you'll always be my girl."_

…_blue and pink sparks…_

"_I'm so sorry, Mae."_

"…_fought valiantly…"_

…_bright blue eyes—_

Mae woke with a start. She sat up quickly and stared around her room. The fire had died out in the fireplace, and the early morning sun shone through a crack in the curtain.

She lay back down and stared up at the ceiling. _What day is it? Saturday… the…_

She sat back up abruptly. _Ten years ago… ten years ago, today…_

She swung her legs off the bed and wandered over to her closet.

_I haven't been to his grave in eight years…_

She walked slowly up the little path leading to the tiny cemetery. Breathing in the cold morning air, she glanced around, looking for the grave.

Suddenly she spotted it a few steps away. She walked around to the front of the headstone and sighed.

_Gideon Prewett_

She sat down beside the grave and sighed.

"Sorry I haven't visited in a while."

*****

"Potter! Keep your fingers out of the dough!"

James jumped away from the bowl of cookie dough and looked sheepishly at his wife, who was trying not to smile.

"Sorry, Lil." He grinned.

She smiled and picked up the bowl, placing it beside a new cookie sheet.

"Have you heard back from Peter?" she asked, dropping balls of dough onto the pan.

"Oh, yeah," he replied, walking up behind her and slipping his arms around her waist. "He'll be here tonight."

"Good!" she replied. "I was beginning to think he was avoiding us."

"Nah," he said, kissing her neck. "He's just taking work too seriously. Fudge is overworking him, and now that he's Minister, it'll probably be even worse."

Lily sighed. "I wish there was something we could do for him. He seems so lonely."

Suddenly her eyes grew wide.

"Uh-oh," James said, seeing the look on her face. "I know that look. What are you thinking?"

Lily grinned mischievously, and turned around to face him. Leaning against the counter and wrapping her arms around his neck, she said, "We need to set him up with someone."

James barked a laugh. "Oh no, I don't think so. Remember the last time you tried to play matchmaker—"

"That was different!" she replied indignantly. "I had no idea Susan Crawly was a psychopath—"

"Well, Remus was _pissed_! He wouldn't speak with me for a week, remember?"

Lily chuckled. "We'll screen our choices more carefully this time, how about that?"

"No," James replied adamantly.

Lily smiled and slipped her hands down his chest and to his belt. "How about your coworker Lydia? She's sweet—"

"She's married."

Lily smiled and bit her lip, slipping her hands under his shirt.

"The woman from the little shop on the corner of—"

"Lil," James whispered, smiling. He leaned down and kissed her gently.

Lily slipped her fingers along the waistband of his jeans and tugged at his belt.

James pulled away and looked down at her, returning her mischievous grin. "Shall we take a break from baking—"

"I think so," Lily replied quickly, grabbing his hand and pulling him up the stairs.

Mae jumped as a shadow crossed over her.

She looked up from the grave into the curious brown eyes staring back at her.

"Molly?"

"Hello, Mae."

"Dinner was wonderful, Lily," Peter said, sitting down on the back porch with the others.

Sirius nodded in agreement. "Fantastic, Lil."

"Thank you," Lily replied, pulling her sweater on and sitting next to James.

"But, may I ask," Sirius began, perplexed, "what the _hell_ happened to the cookies? They were burnt to a crisp."

Lily blushed and James hid a smile. "I'm sorry. I was upstairs and didn't hear the timer going off. There were some good ones, though, didn't you see those?"

Sirius nodded and took a sip of his Firewhiskey. "Sure did… but they're gone now."

Lily laughed. "Already?"

"I helped," Peter added sheepishly. "They were very good."

Lily just smiled and looked fondly at Peter. "When are you going to find something else to do with your life, Peter?" she asked curiously.

He looked up at her, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"You work ten or eleven hour days, and I'm sure you take your work home with you. You never seem to have much time to spend with us. I can tell Fudge is draining you."

Sirius nodded and said, "Yeah, mate, you're working your ass off for Fudge and getting nothing in return."

Peter flushed. "Well, I did get a bonus, and a raise. And I'm now Chief Administrator to the Minister of Magic, so I'm doing alright," he said indignantly. "And I'm thinking of getting a dog."

James and Sirius laughed.

"Oh, Peter, we're not criticizing you or what you do," Lily replied gently. "We're just worried about you."

Peter forced a grin. "Oh, don't worry about me. I'm working on things."

Lily sighed and smiled at him. "You know you can ask us for anything, right?"

Peter nodded. "Yeah," he replied. "Thanks, Lil."

Suddenly Sirius slapped Peter on the knee and grinned. "I know! We need a night on the town!"

Lily rolled her eyes and James hid a smile. Peter just chuckled as his ears turned red.

"I don't have time—" he began.

"Don't have time, my arse!" Sirius barked. "We'll make time, Wormtail. How about next Saturday? I'll owl Remus and we can all go out, what do you think, James?"

James shrugged. "I—"

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Lily interrupted enthusiastically, causing raised eyebrows from the three men.

"Um, Lil," Sirius began. "I was thinking it would be more of a guy thing—"

Lily laughed. "Of course! You think I want to go pub-hopping with a bunch of men? I think it would be a great idea for the four of you to spend time like that. It's been forever since you have."

Sirius looked curiously at James.

James nodded. "Alright. Sounds great." He leaned forward and looked at Peter. "And you'll be going even if we have to Petrify you," he said with a grin.

Remus sat at his desk, frowning down at the letter he'd just penned to Natalie.

He studied the last three words on the parchment. Repeating them out loud, they sounded ridiculous.

_I love you._

He shook his head and growled, picking up the parchment to ball it up, but then he stopped.

_Why is it so hard to say?_

He scoffed. _Well, probably because I don't know if I do love her or not. And why is that? Probably because I've never been in love before._

He balled up the parchment and flung it into the fireplace, sighing.

_I wonder where Mae is. I could talk to her about this…_

He turned around in his chair and looked out the window, suddenly realizing he hadn't seen Mae all day.

Glancing up at the clock, he determined it was too late to bother Dumbledore.

_But not too late to knock on Mae's door…_

He blew out the candle and left his office. He stopped to knock on Mae's office door, as it was on the way to her rooms, but the door was locked and no one answered.

From there he went on up to the fourth floor, knocked on her door, and received nothing in return yet again.

With a sigh, he turned around and decided to check the Great Hall. Another ten minutes later he was standing on the front steps of Hogwarts, looking out at the lake.

A few minutes passed before he saw a dark figure striding across the lawn toward him. He studied the figure only briefly before recognizing the person he'd been looking for.

He smiled and took a few steps towards her. "Where have you been all day, Mae?"

Mae looked up at him from under her hood and gave him a small smile. "Reminiscing," she replied softly.


	7. Chapter 7

"_Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"_

_Mae looked up into his bright blue eyes, surprised. He was looking down at her, his beautiful crooked grin ready to persist if she said no._

_She blushed and glanced around the common room. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were huddled in the corner supposedly studying for their O.W.L.s. _

_They were going to give her a hard time. Going on a date with Gideon Prewett, the best beater the Gryffindor Quidditch team had seen in years, the best looking Seventh Year around._

_A whole two years older…_

_It would be worth it…_

_Mae smiled up at him. "I suppose," she replied quietly._

"_Great," he said, his grin growing wider. "Want to meet me at Hog's Head?"_

"_Sure." _

_He nodded. "I'll see you then. Have a good night."_

"_You too…"_

*

_It was almost unbearably warm in Hog's Head. Mae pushed her way through the crowd of students by the bar and saw Gideon sitting at a table in the corner. His face broke into a grin as he saw her and waved._

_Mae sat down across from him and smiled._

"_Hi," she said quietly. What's wrong with me? She thought. Why am I so shy all of a sudden?_

"_Hi," he replied fondly. "Ready to order? I already got us some butterbeers. You like them, right?"_

_Mae nodded. "Thanks." She took a sip._

"_So are you excited for the match next Friday?" she asked, watching his eyes light up._

"_Am I ever! My last Quidditch match and we're going to pummel Slytherin, I promise you."_

_Mae laughed. "You'd better."_

"_You'll be there, right?" he asked hopefully._

_Mae chuckled. "Of course! I wouldn't miss it."_

"_Good," he replied, taking a sip of his butterbeer._

_They continued to talk for another hour, until Gideon looked at his watch and said, "Ah, bugger. We need to get back to the school, I think."_

_Mae felt the excitement of the past hour drain out of her. She was having a good time._

_Gideon looked up at her and smiled. "May I walk with you?"_

"_I'd like that."_

_Gideon stopped her outside of the common room, taking her hand in his. He turned her around to face him. _

"_I had a great time with you today," he said softly._

_She felt her cheeks color and silently cursed herself. "I did too."_

_Gideon smiled and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "We should do it again sometime."_

"_We should…"_

*

"_WOOOOOO!"_

_Mae laughed as Sirius and James did a victory dance around the common room. _

"_WE WON!"_

_The common room was decked out in maroon and gold banners, a radio was turned up loudly somewhere, and everybody was dancing and talking excitedly._

_Mae leaned over to Remus and started to say something, when a tap on her shoulder distracted her._

_She turned around and looked up at Gideon, grinning down at her._

"_We won," he said simply. Mae smiled and felt her stomach fill up with butterflies. _

"_I know. You were great, by the way," she said._

_He smiled down at her for a moment, then reached down and pulled her into a kiss…_

_Only a few steps away, Sirius dropped his goblet…_

*

"_I love you, Mae-belle," he whispered softly into her ear._

_She laughed and pulled away from him, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. "I told you not to call me that!"_

"_And I said too bad, didn't I?" he replied, pulling her close to him._

_Mae glanced out her bedroom window at the stars. It's late, she thought._

"_Mae?" Gideon whispered, hugging her close. "I should probably be leaving."_

_She felt herself stiffen slightly. She didn't want him to leave. It was just her in that big house, all by herself. _

_Not to mention, it felt so good to be so close to him._

"_Stay," she whispered into his chest._

_He hesitated, resting his cheek on her head. "I thought you were okay here by yourself."_

_She took a deep breath and whispered, "I still have nightmares sometimes… about their death…"_

_He sighed and kissed her forehead. Looking down at her, he said, "I'll sleep on the couch if it would make you feel better."_

_She pulled his face down to her and kissed him lightly. "I'd rather you stay in here with me," she whispered._

_She felt her breathing pick up, and felt his heart beat pick up as well._

_He nodded slowly. "Alright."_

_She gave him a small smile and pulled him around to the side of the bed. Pulling back the covers, she crawled in and motioned for him to join her._

_Hesitating only briefly, he crawled in beside her. She snuggled up against him and pulled him into a long, slow kiss…_

*

"_You slept with him?"_

"_Shut up, Sirius," Mae snapped, glancing at James standing uncomfortably beside her. _

_Sirius furrowed his brow and suddenly stalked off down to the pond. Mae looked up at James, who was avoiding her gaze, watching Sirius walk away._

"_James?" she asked tentatively. He glanced at her, but didn't make eye contact. "You alright?"_

_James scuffed his foot against the grass and ran a hand through his hair._

_After a moment, he said quietly, "Did you know that after we broke up, he accused me of using you?" He nodded towards Sirius, now attempting to skip rocks across the pond._

_Mae looked up at James curiously, who still wasn't looking at her. "Well," she began with a small smile, "you were using me to get closer to Lily."_

_James sighed. "That's not what I mean, Mae," he replied, exasperated. _

_Mae shifted uncomfortably. "Well, what do you mean?"_

_James hesitated, and then muttered, "Using you for a shag…"_

_Mae felt her eyebrows rise. "For a…" She stared at him as his cheeks colored slightly, and then barked a laugh. "That's ridiculous."_

"_He's very protective of you, Mae," James replied seriously, finally looking her in the eyes. _

_Mae hesitated and turned to watch Sirius, still skipping rocks in the pond…_

*

"_Mae-belle, I think it's best if we take a break…"_

_She knew it had been coming. They hardly got a chance to see each other since school had started back up, and he was so busy with training._

_Mae nodded and looked out the grimy window of Hog's Head. _

_He started talking again, softly. "You're busy with your studies, and I'm training ten hours a day… we just don't have the time right now, I think."_

"_You're right," she said quietly, standing up from her chair and looking down at him. "It's silly to keep trying."_

_She turned around and stalked out of the pub…_

*

"_Mae? What's wrong?" _

_Sirius stood up when she came into the common room, slamming the portrait shut behind her. James, Remus, and Peter all looked up at her curiously as well._

"_Nothing," she said defensively, flopping down on the arm of the sofa beside Peter._

_The boys chose not to persist – they knew better. But Sirius stood, watching her._

_When Mae caught him looking at her, she stood up, said loudly, "I'm fine!" and stalked back out of the common room. _

_She was walking across the grounds when she heard someone call her name. She kept walking, hoping the voice would give up._

_No luck._

_She stopped in front of the Whomping Willow and watched it, waiting for him to catch up to her._

"_Mae," Sirius said breathlessly, finally stepping to her side. "What are you doing?"_

_Mae pursed her lips briefly before saying with a gesture to the trunk of the willow, "Hit the knot for me."_

_Sirius looked at her, confused. "Why are you going to the Shrieking Shack – "_

"_Just do it!" she said, feeling tears starting to well up in her eyes. She stared ahead at the slashing limbs as she felt Sirius change into a big black dog beside her. She watched as he dodged the limbs briefly, before reaching the trunk and pushing the knot._

_As the limbs froze, Mae crossed over to the hole and climbed through it, Sirius following, in human form once again._

_As they climbed into the shack, Sirius let the trap door slam shut. He walked up to her and asked, "What'd he do?"_

_Mae looked at him momentarily then climbed the steps to the little bedroom. _

_She wandered over to the bed and sat, staring at the floor. Sirius sat down beside her and tentatively put his arm around her._

_She stiffened briefly as the tears returned, then leaned into his shoulder. "He broke up with me," she whispered. _

_Sirius hesitated, not sure exactly what to say. "Want me to hex him?" he asked lightly._

_Mae choked a laugh, but shook her head. "He had a point, you know," she began, sitting up to look at Sirius. "He said we're both too busy, basically."_

_Sirius nodded. "Not to mention, he's not local, either."_

_Mae gave him a small smile. "No."_

_Sirius rubbed her back and studied her. Her curly brown hair was mussed up, her eyes red, though she hadn't actually shed a tear. She looked so sad and hurt, and all he wanted to do was take it away. _

_He reached up and brushed her hair out of her face. She looked up into his eyes and gave him a small smile, which he returned. Then, he leaned in and kissed her softly…_

*

"_Lily!" Mae called, rushing down the hallway. Lily turned around and watched Mae rush up to her._

"_Hey, what's up?" she asked. Suddenly, she knew something was wrong by the look on her best friend's face. She looked paler than usual, and a little scared. "What's wrong, Mae?"_

_Mae sighed, glanced around at the other students wandering past them in the halls. "Not here."_

_Lily nodded. "Okay… here, this classroom should be empty." She put her hand on Mae's arm and pulled her into the deserted classroom. She shut the door behind her and dropped her bag onto a nearby desk. "Now, what's going on?"_

_Mae glanced around uneasily. "I don't know what to do… I'm late."_

_Lily raised her eyebrows. "You mean… late?" she asked pointedly._

_Mae grimaced and nodded, brushing her hair out of her face frustratingly..._

_*_

_James moved to stand in front of the fire, across from Lily. He cleared his throat, ran his free hand through his hair, and said, "Here is to those of you who have shown me what my life is meant for. You've all given me something to fight for. I thank you for that."_

_He smiled around at his friends. "Cheers."_

_Mae took a small sip with a glance up at Sirius._

"_Erm," James said suddenly. "I have something else I would like to say." He put his hand behind his back as everyone looked up at him._

_He shifted nervously before saying, "I have spent six entertaining years trying to win over the heart of Miss Lily Evans, here." Lily blushed. "I've known, since our very first Potions lesson, when I knocked her book into her cauldron, that she was the woman I loved, and who one day would love me back." He paused as he walked over to her and got down on one knee._

_Lily's jaw dropped slightly as he pulled a tiny velvet box from behind his back. Mae turned to look at Sirius, Remus, and Peter, each of whom looked equally surprised._

"_And starting tonight, Lily," James continued softly. "I would like for your heart to belong to me forever more, just as my heart has belonged to you since the second of September 1970. Will you marry me, Lily?"_

_Lily had tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. She shook her head 'yes' and hugged him, whispering something inaudible to those around them._

"_WOOHOOO!" Sirius had leapt up from his seat. He proceeded to shout to the entire common room, "I would like to introduce to you all, the future Mr. and Mrs. James Potter!"_

_It seemed like everyone was laughing and smiling, hugging and kissing. In one swift movement, Sirius had pulled Mae to her feet and pulled her face to his and kissed her fiercely._

"_I love you, Mae," he whispered. Mae started to smile, but stopped suddenly when she realized she couldn't say it back right then. It was the first time he had said that to her. _

_The moment has presented itself, she thought to herself sadly, wishing with all her heart she could simply say 'I love you, too'._

"_Can we go talk, somewhere?" she whispered back..._

*

"_Mae?" _

_She opened her eyes to see James looking down at her, concern written all over his face._

"_When Sirius came back downstairs, he was in a right foul mood," he said casually. "He proceeded to drink three straight glasses of Firewhiskey, then strike up a game of chess with Remus… and we all know Sirius doesn't have the patience for chess unless he's really buggered about something."_

_Mae sighed as more tears came to her eyes. Must be hormones, she thought._

_James noticed the tears and laid down on his side next to her. "You broke up with him, I figured that much," he said softly. He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "But I have a feeling it wasn't something you wanted to do, but felt you had to."_

_Mae closed her eyes. She felt a tear slide down her face, and James' thumb gently wipe it away._

"_You can't tell him," she whispered, opening her eyes and looking at him. He looked down at her curiously. "You cannot tell him, James," she repeated a little more strongly._

_He stared at her for a moment before saying softly, "Okay."_

_Mae pressed her lips together and glanced away from him briefly. "Promise?" she asked, her voice cracking, in an attempt to procrastinate. She already knew he'd promised._

"_I promise, Mae," he replied gently._

_She took another deep breath._

"_I'm pregnant," she whispered. "And it's Gideon's."_

_He stared at her a moment, his jaw dropping slightly. Suddenly he pulled her close to him and closed his eyes. He kissed her forehead as his gesture broke all of her control and she sobbed into his chest._

"_My god, Mae," he whispered. "How could you not tell me?"_

"_I'm sorry," she cried in between sobs. _

"_Lily knows, doesn't she?" he asked._

"_Yeah," she sobbed._

_He held her until she stopped crying a few minutes later. "What are you going to do?"_

_Mae wiped her face on her sleeve. "Meet up with Gideon… and tell him," she said thickly._

"_He's a good guy, he'll take care of you," he said gently. "But so would Sirius."_

_Mae sniffed, but didn't reply._

"_Why don't you want Sirius to know?" he asked softly._

_She gave him a short laugh and sighed, shaking her head. "Because… I think I love him," she whispered. "And this would hurt him."_

"_You can't just hide this from him forever, you know," he said gently._

"_I know," she replied helplessly._

"_Do you love Gideon?" he asked quietly after a moment._

"_Yeah," she whispered, feeling her eyes begin to water again._

"_Okay, it's alright," he whispered, hugging her again. "It'll be alright…"_

_Once she'd calmed down again, she sat up and wiped her face._

"_You should get some sleep, love," he said quietly, rubbing her back. "I can cover for you."_

"_Thanks."_

"_Anytime, Mae," he whispered. "You know I'd do anything for you."_

_She smiled at him, kissed him on the cheek and watched him walk towards the door._

*

"_I want to talk to you," Sirius said, grabbing Mae's arm._

_She sighed and nodded. They waited for the rest of their friends to climb through the portrait hole. Mae leaned back against the corridor wall as the portrait swung shut. She looked up at Sirius._

"_Mae, I don't want to end things on a bad note," he said quickly, giving her a small smile. "You've been my friend for years, a hell of a lot longer than you've been my girl, and I don't want to lose you."_

_Mae smiled slightly and glanced around the corridor, but didn't reply._

"_Look, I don't know what's going on in your head," he continued. "I wish you'd tell me, but I'll respect your right to let me know in your own time. If you need space, I'll give you space… I meant what I said last night, you know," he added quietly. "I love you, in more ways than one. And I'll do anything for you. And if that means breaking up for a while, then so be it."_

_Mae looked down at the floor, trying not to let him see the tears forming in her eyes. After a moment, they were gone, and she looked up at him, smiling._

"_Thank you, Sirius," she said softly._

"_Of course," he replied. "Come here…" He put out his arms and hugged her briefly._

_She turned around, muttered the password, and stood back to let the portrait swing open._

"_Oh, and Mae?" _

_She turned around to see him smiling sheepishly._

"_You'll always be my girl."_

*

"_I'm sorry about what happened on your birthday, Mae," Gideon said quietly. "I don't know how many times I've started to write to you to apologize… I've missed you so much. I was thrilled to get your invitation."_

_Mae smiled back at him. "I've missed you, too."_

_Gideon reached out a hand and touched her hair. "So what now, Mae?" he asked gently._

_Mae sighed at the touch of his hand. She felt her stomach flutter, but whether it was from nerves or his touch, she wasn't sure._

"_I have something to tell you, Gideon," she said quietly, her voice shaky. _

_He noticed the tone of her voice and sat forward, setting his wineglass down on the table beside the sofa. "What is it?"_

_Mae hesitated, glancing around the room. Finally, she said, barely audible, "I'm pregnant."_

_She watched the expression on his beautiful face go from concern to shock. She was surprised she was able to keep her tears at bay as she watched him. He stared at her for a moment before looking away, his eyes closed. He was silent for a moment._

_He looked back at her. "Pregnant?" he asked, his voice shaky. She nodded. "You're sure?" She nodded again. "And… and you're sure it's mine?" He asked the last question carefully. He didn't know if she had been with anyone else since they'd broke up, but he had to ask._

_Mae was slightly offended at first, but she assumed it was not worth going into her relationship with Sirius._

"_I'm sure, Gideon."_

_He stared at her for another moment before a smile broke onto his face, surprising her. He reached forward and pulled her into a kiss. She melted into it without hesitation. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off from her, and it felt so good to be in his arms again._

_She pulled away from him a moment later as the tears finally broke through. "I love you," she whispered as a tear slid down her cheek._

_He looked at her tenderly and stroked her cheek. "I love you too, Mae-belle."_

*

"_You're avoiding me."_

_With a quick glance into the house behind her, Mae stepped out onto the front step and shut the door behind her quietly. She crossed her arms and looked up at Sirius, staring her down._

"_You're avoiding me," he repeated, running a hand through his hair. "I've sent owls – many, many owls, and I've heard nothing back – "_

"_Sirius – " Mae said with a sigh._

"_Not even a short and sweet 'I'm good, how are you doing, Sirius'. It's been almost two months since we left Hogwarts – "_

_His voice was getting louder with each word and he was fidgeting. "Then James let it slip that he and Lily were coming over here for dinner tonight – and this isn't the first time! So I thought well maybe it was time for me to just stop by – "_

_Mae tried to calm him down again. "Sirius – "_

"_No!" he barked, glaring down at her. As she caught a whiff of alcohol on his breath she sighed and rubbed her brow. "No," he started again, a little softer. "I have something to say and I'll be damned if I don't say it!"_

_Mae shook her head softly and looked up at him. He reached his hands out as if to grip her shoulders and said softly yet fiercely, "Mae, I love you. I want to marry you, and – and have kids with you! I want you to be the one I start my day with, look forward to coming home to, and the last person I see before I go to sleep at night. I want you – " He grabbed her shoulders and brought his face down close to hers. She shut her eyes and put her hands out to his chest to push him away, but her arms went weak. She felt tears welling up behind her eyelids._

"_You're drunk," she whispered._

"_I – I love you, Mae," he replied helplessly. "I love you! I don't want anyone but you – "_

"_Sirius," she said softly, expecting him to interrupt her again. _

_She looked up to him with tears in her eyes, slightly surprised that he was looking back down at her expectantly._

_She took a deep breath, trying to hold her tears at bay. "I – "_

_They both jumped when the front door opened suddenly behind them. Mae turned around as Sirius' hands dropped from her shoulders. Gideon was standing in the doorway, glancing curiously between his fiancé and Sirius._

"_Everything alright out here?" he asked._

_Mae nodded and said quietly, "We're fine, I'll be in shortly."_

_Gideon gave her a short nod, then glanced at Sirius again before shutting the door._

_Mae turned back to Sirius, his face slightly pale, his jaw dropped a little, and his eyes locked on the spot where Gideon had been seconds before._

"_Sirius," Mae said quietly._

"_You left me for him?" he asked quietly as his eyes wandered back to her. She shook her head and opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by him yet again, his voice a little stronger. "You left me for him? You – "_

_He stopped abruptly and took a step back from her. "I don't believe it! Why the bloody hell didn't you just tell me? But why the hell would you leave me for him in the first place? What the hell is going on with you?" He was yelling at that point, causing Mae to start crying. But he continued on. "And I'm the idiot standing here pouring my heart out to you – "_

_He stopped as he watched Mae back away from him and lean against the door, sobbing, crossing her arms across her abdomen. _

_He quickly followed and put his hands back on her shoulders, his face barely an inch from her own._

"_Tell me what is going on with you!" he whispered fiercely, with a hint of helplessness. "If you just need to get this out of your system – tie up loose ends – have a fling – whatever – "_

"_Sirius," Mae choked through her sobs. He stopped and watched her curiously. "I'm pregnant."_

_For a moment she was unsure if he'd heard her, as he didn't react right away. Then she saw his jaw drop, and felt his hands fall from her shoulders. She winced at the look in his eyes: anger, hurt, jealousy, disbelief… She felt a sharp pain cut through her stomach. _

_"It's – " she began._

"_It's Gideon's," he finished in a whisper._

_Mae nodded, tears rolling down her face._

_After a moment, Sirius said quietly, "You left me because you're having his child."_

_Mae nodded slowly, unable to meet his gaze._

"_You – you're having his child," he whispered. _

_Mae winced again as yet another pain hit her. She leaned her head against the door and looked up at him through tears, her heart racing._

_He shook his head slightly and stumbled back a few steps then turned around and walked down the path to the front gate._

"_Sirius," she sobbed as she watched him vanish. _

_Suddenly another sharp pain stabbed her abdomen, one that raked throughout her entire body. She cried out and doubled over in pain, sliding down the door to sit on the steps._

_She reached up for the doorknob, but couldn't reach, so she hit the door with her open hand, hoping someone would hear. Lightheaded, she caught a spot of red forming on her white skirt._

_She felt weaker with each wave, which began coming quicker. She caught a glimpse of Gideon's pale, worried face just before everything went dark._

*

"_What do you think about orchids?" Mae asked from the kitchen table, flipping through a wedding magazine._

_Gideon came up behind her and leaned down, wrapping his arms around her. "Orchids for what?"_

"_For the centerpieces."_

"_Ah," he said softly into her ear. "I told you already, whatever you want, love."_

_Mae tried to hide a smile as he kissed her neck. "And I told you it's dangerous to let me run wild with the wedding plans."_

_He chuckled and sat down beside her, taking hold of one of her hands. She looked up at him curiously._

_Gideon smiled nervously. "Mae," he began, hesitating. "I've been thinking…"_

_He looked up into her eyes and chuckled. She almost looked worried. "I've been thinking that – that I'd like to have a baby. I would like to try again."_

_He watched her, concerned as she sat back in her chair, a strange expression on her face. "I wish I could read you mind right now," he teased. "I know that what happened last time hurt. I know. But the Healers said that there is no reason not to try again."_

_He paused and squeezed her hand. "What do you think?"_

_Expression came back to her face. She smiled at him softly and replied, "I'd like that."_

_Gideon nodded, smiling back at her. She laughed suddenly and threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. _

"_Say," he whispered in her ear lightly. "I don't have to be to work for another hour… we could get a head-start…"_

_Mae pulled back and grinned mischievously._

_*_

_Mae paced up and down the length of the kitchen, down the hall, peeked out the sitting room window, and back down to the kitchen._

_He should have been back by now, she thought, glancing at her watch, and then checking it against the clock on the wall. She grabbed her cigarettes off the counter and lit one shakily. _

_He always let her know if he was going to be late._

_She huffed angrily and stormed back out into the sitting room. She reached into the little pouch on top of the mantle – _

_No, she thought. I'm not supposed to call Dumbledore…_

_I'm not supposed to call anyone. I'm not supposed to even know anything is going on tonight…_

_She pulled her hand out of the pouch and stared into the fire. She didn't know what to do. She knew there was no way she could fall asleep without hearing from him._

_She sighed and paced around the sitting room once more before sitting down on the edge of the sofa. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down._

_Not working, she thought after a moment, opening her eyes. The fire was flickering softly, casting strange shadows around the room. It was unnerving._

_She stood up quickly and lit every candle in the sitting room. Better, she thought. Not so many shadows…_

_She glanced at the old grandfather clock before heading over to the liquor cabinet._

_Two hours and thirteen minutes… late…_

_She rummaged through the cabinet before finally deciding on an old bottle of Muggle vodka they had picked up in London a few months before. She poured herself a glass and sat back down on the sofa._

_She had enjoyed the taste of it so much that she preferred to sip it straight. It had a plain taste, but she knew it would do the trick. She could drink it like water…_

_Beep, beep, beep…_

_She stood up quickly and ran to the window, peering through the glass at the figure now standing in front of her door, knocking._

_He wouldn't be knocking, she thought worriedly. But she knew it was someone she could trust since they had made it through the spells, curses, and jinxes leading to the door._

_She walked over to the door and opened it to reveal Dumbledore, hooded and weary-looking._

_She felt her heart racing and her stomach twisting._

"_Albus?" she whispered, staring up at him._

_He stepped into the foyer and shut the door behind him, pulling back his hood. "Let's sit down, Mae," he said gently, gesturing towards the sitting room._

_Mae shook her head jerkily. "No – is – is he okay?" she choked._

"_Mae – "_

"_Is he okay, Albus?" she asked, a slightly hysterical tone in her voice._

_Dumbledore sighed. "I'm so sorry, Mae," he replied quietly, watching her carefully._

_She stared at him a moment before laughing nervously and shaking her head. She wouldn't believe him. She couldn't believe him._

_She backed away slowly and turned away from him when the tears started. _

"_They were outnumbered… greatly," Dumbledore's voice said gently. "But they fought valiantly."_

_Mae put her hand over her mouth and fell to the sofa._

_Beep, beep, beep…_

_Dumbledore turned away from Mae as the door burst open. Mae jumped and stared._

"_I just heard," Sirius gasped, glancing at Dumbledore before striding over to Mae. "Oh, Mae," he whispered, pulling her close to him as she began sobbing harder. "I'm so sorry…"_

_Dumbledore watched for a moment before saying softly, "I'm sorry, but I must be going. There are other's I need to see about what happened tonight. Sirius, would you stay with her?"_

"_Of course," he replied, stroking Mae's hair as she continued to cry into his shirt._

_Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you, Sirius." He paused at the door before turning back and saying loud enough for Mae to hear. "His death was not in vain. He and the others will be remembered as heroes. Gideon Prewett sacrificed himself for the good of our world… He did his job so that we could continue to do ours…"_

*

Remus smiled down at her. "Where have you been all day, Mae?"

"Reminiscing…"


End file.
